Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

alexb5784 · 01-10-2007, 08:46 PM

I've seen a lot of posts in this forum about confidence, so I decided to create this thread. Here, I'm sharing my opinion on why the lack of confidence in ourselves is nothing but a habit. Feel free to give your two cents

Being confident is a habit that's developed over time. Confidence is created the same way that low self-esteem is created, by beliefs. If you take actions which lead to low self-esteem, then that's what you get. If you want to change your self-image, then you need to change your actions and beliefs. And the only way to gain confidence, is to condition yourself to be confident, one day at a time.

There's no quick fix for becoming confident. Just like there's no quick fix for losing weight, quitting smoking, attracting terrible relationships or mismanaging your money. Your thoughts, beliefs and habits dictate your life. If you think thoughts of "Oh I'll never be good at xxxx", you will NOT be good at it. Period. No matter how many books you read or podcasts you listen to, your life won't change...until YOU do. And that's why people who read loads of self-help books/blogs and who don't change, continue to complain that self-help is a scam. They think all they have to do is read a book and then boom! They're successful. I don't think so.

I suggest that if you want to be more confident, look at how your environment is reinforcing your low self-esteem and then do something about it. But don't stop there. Then do a little something everyday that your think your ideal self would do, even if it's dressing a little better or drinking more water to be healthy. Also you need to journal and ask yourself "Why do I feel I can't do xxx? Why do I lack confidence in this?" This way you can uncover where these limiting beliefs are orginating from, so you can develop new beliefs to replace the limiting beliefs.

Whenever, I hear myself say "I can't", I turn it around and say "I don't know how to do xxx, but if I really want this, I sure as hell can learn how!"

Here are some examples of how to turn I can't into a positive statement:

Low self-esteem: I can't be wealthy and I'll always be broke.

Instead say: I don't know how to be wealthy, but I can learn the skills from people who are wealthy or who are at least successfully learning to be wealthy. Point: Don't seek help from other broke people who have 50 books on personal finance, but still bounce checks!

Low self-esteem: I can't attact my dream relationship and I'll be lonely forever.

Instead say: I don't know how to attract my dream person. But I can learn how if I seek help and guidance from people in happy relationships. Point: Don't ask for help from people who are in bad relationships, even if they are in your family, are a friend or your co-worker! If you were trying to kick a drug habit, would you ask a current junkie how to quit? So don't seek help from folks in less than stellar relationships.

Low self-esteem: I can't have the career I want and will aways hate my job.

Instead say: I don't know how to get the career I want, but I can figure it out if I seek help from those who love their careers. I can find these people online or offline. All I have to do is ask for help. Point: Don't seek help from people who hate their jobs or who are very status quo! You want to live a purpose centered life, so find people on the journey to success. Don't bother with people who don't care about their careers.

Low self-esteem: I can't lose 50 pounds, be fit or sexy. I'll always be fat.

Instead say: I don't know how to lose 50 pounds, but if I ask for help and advice from healthy people, I can become as sexy and fit as I want to be

Point: Don't seek help from people who have poor eating habits. Stay away from folks who are on "See-Food" diets (They eat anything they see and get fat!).

And here is the BIG point...If you don't know HOW to do something, you can ALWAYS learn! Just educate yourself into oblivion and you'll eventually get what you. If you can learn to read, ride a bike, drive or use Windows

, you can build confidence in yourself. However, it won't happen overnight, but it will happen if you keep at it.

I hope this post has helped and sorry it's so long. Here is a link to Steve's article on "Education Kills Fear" and the "Overcoming Fear" podcast. I've found both to be very helpful to me.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ercoming-fear/ (podcast)
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...on-kills-fear/

01-10-2007, 08:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
alexb5784 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: New Orleans now, NYC for Med School Posts: 346	Lack of confidence is a habit I've seen a lot of posts in this forum about confidence, so I decided to create this thread. Here, I'm sharing my opinion on why the lack of confidence in ourselves is nothing but a habit. Feel free to give your two cents Being confident is a habit that's developed over time. Confidence is created the same way that low self-esteem is created, by beliefs. If you take actions which lead to low self-esteem, then that's what you get. If you want to change your self-image, then you need to change your actions and beliefs. And the only way to gain confidence, is to condition yourself to be confident, one day at a time. There's no quick fix for becoming confident. Just like there's no quick fix for losing weight, quitting smoking, attracting terrible relationships or mismanaging your money. Your thoughts, beliefs and habits dictate your life. If you think thoughts of "Oh I'll never be good at xxxx", you will NOT be good at it. Period. No matter how many books you read or podcasts you listen to, your life won't change...until YOU do. And that's why people who read loads of self-help books/blogs and who don't change, continue to complain that self-help is a scam. They think all they have to do is read a book and then boom! They're successful. I don't think so. I suggest that if you want to be more confident, look at how your environment is reinforcing your low self-esteem and then do something about it. But don't stop there. Then do a little something everyday that your think your ideal self would do, even if it's dressing a little better or drinking more water to be healthy. Also you need to journal and ask yourself "Why do I feel I can't do xxx? Why do I lack confidence in this?" This way you can uncover where these limiting beliefs are orginating from, so you can develop new beliefs to replace the limiting beliefs. Whenever, I hear myself say "I can't", I turn it around and say "I don't know how to do xxx, but if I really want this, I sure as hell can learn how!" Here are some examples of how to turn I can't into a positive statement: Low self-esteem: I can't be wealthy and I'll always be broke. Instead say: I don't know how to be wealthy, but I can learn the skills from people who are wealthy or who are at least successfully learning to be wealthy. Point: Don't seek help from other broke people who have 50 books on personal finance, but still bounce checks! Low self-esteem: I can't attact my dream relationship and I'll be lonely forever. Instead say: I don't know how to attract my dream person. But I can learn how if I seek help and guidance from people in happy relationships. Point: Don't ask for help from people who are in bad relationships, even if they are in your family, are a friend or your co-worker! If you were trying to kick a drug habit, would you ask a current junkie how to quit? So don't seek help from folks in less than stellar relationships. Low self-esteem: I can't have the career I want and will aways hate my job. Instead say: I don't know how to get the career I want, but I can figure it out if I seek help from those who love their careers. I can find these people online or offline. All I have to do is ask for help. Point: Don't seek help from people who hate their jobs or who are very status quo! You want to live a purpose centered life, so find people on the journey to success. Don't bother with people who don't care about their careers. Low self-esteem: I can't lose 50 pounds, be fit or sexy. I'll always be fat. Instead say: I don't know how to lose 50 pounds, but if I ask for help and advice from healthy people, I can become as sexy and fit as I want to be Point: Don't seek help from people who have poor eating habits. Stay away from folks who are on "See-Food" diets (They eat anything they see and get fat!). And here is the BIG point...If you don't know HOW to do something, you can ALWAYS learn! Just educate yourself into oblivion and you'll eventually get what you. If you can learn to read, ride a bike, drive or use Windows , you can build confidence in yourself. However, it won't happen overnight, but it will happen if you keep at it. I hope this post has helped and sorry it's so long. Here is a link to Steve's article on "Education Kills Fear" and the "Overcoming Fear" podcast. I've found both to be very helpful to me. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ercoming-fear/ (podcast) http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...on-kills-fear/