 Hope this helps
I have experienced the same thing. At work, trying with every ounce of my body to look normal, however on the inside I was a muddy mess of anxiety, panic attacks, self critisism and shame. I have since learnt that I get this way and most people become depressed when 1. They have too much on their plate 2. are too self critical 3. Need to ask for help. I still self criticize, I think because it is a defence mechanism that is outdated. I never had external validation, thus didn't know how to self validate. I also wrote all the "negative" thoughts down when they crept up, and how I feel. This helps me identify old patterns and suppressed emotions. It is very freeing and it takes me from pain to power. I hope this helps
Take care
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