[DayInTheLife]

I would ask myself this question: Would I still be with her if I knew she would never change?


If not, you should end this relationship completely, IMHO. If love is not unconditional, it is guaranteed suffering for both parties (and any kids involved!) No matter how much you love her, an alcoholic with an eating disorder evidently has a lot of deep-seated difficulty with life in general, and cannot reasonably be expected to change.

As somebody who fell in love with someone with serious problems, I can tell you that ending the relationship was 100% necessary for me to be happy and find a life I like. Depending on somebody else to change is a recipe for misery.

It is a difficult truth for many of us to accept, but some people, for whatever reason, thrive on pain and conflict and will cause perpetual trouble for whoever they are with. They may still be otherwise wonderful people, that's why it's so difficult to swallow. People can change, but you cannot let yourself count on that possibility.

If your child is already attached to her, he is better off breaking that attachment now than living in a household of constant tension and conflict.

If you have only recently straightened yourself out, I think you'd benefit from spending at least a year or two single. I think people tend to grow much more when they are on their own.