Hi,
Just to say that I have read your other post as well, and yes it can be very difficult living with a man who doesnt open up.
However... your post do seem to make you the perfect wife/girlfriend and him the bad evil husband/boyfriend... Is that really true?
Or could it be that you are not open for change yourself? Not open to checking to make sure that there is nothing you can do to make your life as a couple better?
Quote:
Originally Posted by shakra  ^^ I agree... he has the relationship he wants/needs.. so why would he feel the need to do anything different.. |
Are you sure about that?? Have you asked him?
I´m guessing here, but I think that most of your converstations you have with him are going like this:
You: honey, lets sit down and talk ok?
Him:
oh, ♥♥♥♥♥, here we go again... Sign... yes dear...
You:
you see he doesn´t really want to talk to me, he´s closing down again! Well honey.. I am not happy. I am feeling like you don´t care about me. I want this to change. What are you going to do to change?
Him:
bla bla bla bla bla yeah.. well.. whatever...
has the football started yet?
You:
He doesn´t love me anymore! Why doesn´t he do anything for me! And wash your own clothes, I am not the maid around here!
Him:
Huh? What? Clothes..? Ahhh this is about clothes.. Ok honey, i´ll wash the clothes, but later ok? Just let me watch my show now...
What I suggest you change about this converstation is the number of times you use "I" and "me" here.
How about starting a converstation (NOT when his favorite soccer team is on, NOT when he is using the computer, NOT when he is about to fall asleep) with asking HIM how he feels about the relationship?
Then, VERY important, whatever he sais, even if you completely disagree, DO NOT ARGUE!!
Just let him talk.
Ask him questions like "ok, I see how you can feel that way. What else makes you feel that way?"
Now, after this conversations it is NOT your turn to say everything you don´t like about him.
Now, it is your turn to show that you have listened to him, and make his life a bit easier by making some changes yourself.
After a while you can ask him if you are doing the things that make him feel bad, less. If he is happier in the relationship now.
Allready, without even asking you will see him improving towards your needs as well.
If not, and cleaning the dishes is a very important need for you, just ask him in a NICE tone "honey, I am very tired today, would you mind doing the dishes?" and then just let him. Doesn´t matter if he does them now or in 15 minutes.. just let him.
Maybe I am completely wrong, and he is a selfish bastard. If so, please disregard anything I have written above and leave as soon as possible.
If any of the above strikes a cord, read it again, and think very hard about your own input in this relationship.
Usually you get out of a relationship what you put in it.