[scott1324]

This is my first time visiting/posting, on this forum, so bare with me.

I need some advice.

Me and my fiancee' recently seperated (about 3 months ago). We were together for a little over 3 years and engaged for 2 years. We made about every mistake in the relationship possible. We used to drink every night together, we worked together, and spent every waking minute together.

I also have a 6 year old son in the middle of all this, from a previous relationship. She played the mommy role for 3 years as well.

She developed an eating disorder and became obsessed with diet and exercise. I became so frustrated in our situation and we began to fight alot. I hate to admit it but I became verbally abusive.

A little over a year ago I quit drinking, which helped considerably, but she still drinks 2 bottles of wine every night and still is obsessed with exercise and food. She became very distant and it became a toxic relationship, and our negativity began to feed off eachother.

It's no wonder it failed and she moved back to her parents.

About 2 months after being seperated, but still seeing eachother, I finally became fed up with the way the relationship was, and packed up all her stuff and told her goodbye. We didn't talk for over a week and then bumped into eachother. We said the I love you's and hugs and at that point I realized I was totally still in love with the girl, even though she was a mess.

I was still a mess myself and was smoking marijuana at night, and was taking vicodins for my back. I realized I was hooked on both, and decided if I was going to attempt to salvage this relationship, I really needed to make some changes. So I did. I took myself off the vicodins (went through physical withdrawls for over 2 weeks) and quit smoking pot. I also started exercising daily and started reading every night about anger management, cognitive behavioral therapy, control issues, you name it, I researched it. I also did a few therapy sessions.

I thought if I really turned myself around, I could make this work.

I know she needs help, however you can't force people to change, and that was part of our demise in the first place. I tried to change her, and discourage her behavior. I have come to accept her at this point. The good and the bad. I am still in love with her, and hope that some day she will straighten up like I did. Even if she didn't straighten up, I would still let her come home tomorrow, because I am still totally in love with her.

It's been a month now, since I have turned myself around, and done everything in my power to reconcile the relationship. We have made a great deal of progress, and still see eachother a few times a week. We stayed at a really nice suite on Valentines day, and she is coming to stay the night on Saturday.

She is not contributing the same effort, into salvaging the relationship that I am, however. I would say it's about 90/10 at this point. I bend over backwards to try to do things to get things back to the way they were, but she on the other hand, doesnt seem to be applying much effort. She will tell me she is going to come by and see me, for an hour or so, and then she decides she would rather just stay home. I send her emails and she doesn't respond half the time. If I send texts it sometimes takes her 1-2 hours to respond, and they are 2-3 word responses. When I ask her if I am wasting my time and if I should just walk away, she tells me everything I want to here and insists that if she didn't want to work it out, she wouldn't be going to dinner, and coming over, and spending valentines day with me. Which is a good point. When it's truly over, people set the boundaries in place.

I thought it was over. When we saw eachother the spark was back (for me) but I am on an emotional roller coaster everyday. She has the ability to make me so high, by just coming by or calling or saying I love you, yet when she doesn't come over when she says she is going to, or doesn't return my texts or emails, I get lower than I have ever felt.

I don't know what to do at this point.

I don't know if I am wanting to run before we can crawl and if I should try harder to be patient, or if I should cut my losses and run like hell.

Deep down I know she has issues that need resolved before our relationship can be totally healthy. That's the head talking. The heart doesn't care. The heart just wants her back and will accept the good with the bad, in hopes she will eventually come around, and thank me for not giving up one her.

I don't think I can continue this much longer, and I really need some advice.

If she doesn't start contributing the same amount of effort as myself, I am going to have to give up and walk away.

My sons mom left him, and he still sees this girl as his makeshift mommy.

PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!!!!!