Hi, I'm new to this forum and found this place just at the right time.
I'm in a situation I can't bear alone, so I'm asking for some advice.
My ex with whom I still keep in touch, is broke, illegal and homeless and disowned by his family for culteral reasons. I instead have tried to help him get a visa back then, but our relationship got worse then so I broke up with him and he ended up alone and without a visa, broke and homeless, living on the streets. I felt guilty and selfish leaving him and lots of things unfinished. Now one-and-a-half year later I still care for him, love him and even miss him, A LOT to be honest. He says he loves and misses me too and that his life has been a hell on earth without me. Lately I've considered giving him a second chance (I thought about it, but didn't actually did it I mean
). It just doesn't feel right.
Giving him a second chance means moving abroad AGAIN for his visa because it isn't possible to get him a visa/passport via the country I live in right now (I live somewhere in Europe by the way). Getting back to him also means leave my family behind in pain (I live with my parents right now), doing low-paided jobs again working my butt of the whole day incase to survive and it also means saying 'bye bye' to all my dreams and goals that I've planned for this upcoming year and it probably also means living to his will because he has a very dominant character. And then not to forget that my parents don't like me to go back to him again, because they think he isn't good for me.
I somehow want to give him a helping hand, but I already did that for such a long time, providing him financially to the point that people started saying that he was taking advantage of me.
I feel so sorry for him now. To be honest, I don't want to put myself on the second place anymore like I did before when we were together, but his situation makes me feel so sad. I can't cope with that. Am I selfish now for chosing for myself? I feel so bad wanting me to take control of my life from now on and to start anew while at the same time he cannot do the same and has no future perspective due to his homelessnes/having no visa/income. He doens't have simple basics like shelter, a job, and even food sometimes which causes him to lent money from friends.
I feel so sad and can't let go of him until I know he's fine and can take care of himself. Sometimes I wish I could help him somehow, without making him the centre of my life so I still can focus on other important things in my life like family, my career and my dreams.
I know he is responsible for his life, only that thought doesn't give me comfort when I picture him sleeping on the streets/maybe at a friends house, borrowing money for food everytime. I wish he wasn't illegal. I wish he would go back to his country, but I can't make him.
I hope someone can give me some valuable advice or give me his opinion on this. Thank you.
xx Mesmerize