Wow, you really care about him. You can totally break up with someone with caring. That said, whether he feels blamed or hurt has more to do with him than it does iwth you. It's sweet that you're taking responsibility for this, but you're just going to have to do it.
I wonder, though, is this a delaying tactic? Are you asking for advice cause you want some more time? for one thing, you acknowledge it will hurt but don't want it to? For another, you can google advice on how to break up pretty easily. I'm sure there's like a million webpages about this. Just do it. If he asks why, tell him you'll send him a letter or email. Written down stuff is less hard to argue with, which may be his first impulse. Let the chips fall where they may. He wouldn't be the first guy to get blindsided. Perception is a tricky thing, we often don't see what we don't want to, and it sounds like this guy's pretty stubbornly tried not to see.
Basically, here you go, I absolve you of the pain you're going to cause. It's ok and you're an ok person for doing it. Much better than to do violence to your own soul.
Good luck!
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