uh nyrasponge.din have the guts to open a thread like this.like opening a barrel of worms.
well i think it hurts the same.casual/meaningful
and it hurts the most when you have a very low self esteem.because then it becomes all about you.
man,feels downright awful.
in the case of casual i guess some may be able to look the other way.i said 'some' for me it is the same.difference lies in me equating sex with love because id not have sex with a man if i wasn in love with him.
casual sex is beyond my comprehension.
so i guess one tends to see the world as they are.
i just cant seem to get my head around 'the other way of having sex'...sex for sex's sake.
also the circumstances..like my spouse was scr***** the maid when
1.my parent was diagnosed with cancer n i was runnin aroun for chemo and stuff
2.on my birthday (when i was with his mum,she was ill too,in the hospital)
3.im a late riser ...so...while i slept
4.in the presence of my child,as in she was in the other room.n i was away at the hospital.
yesterday my mum asked- how long am i going to carry this crap around?he said sorry din he?but you never forgave him.
i want to get rid of this crap too.she doesn realize how much i want to move on.
i did 'the work'.and uncovered that having a low self esteem and no self worth got me where i am today.denying my anger and hurt.
ok..so its all about me.right.fine but i would want t draw the line.my having a low self worth -did THAT make him sleep with another woman on my birthday?]or when i was inconsolable when i found out about my parents cancer?or when my kid was around?
that is a serious lack of integrity.or lets say..caring.
im just plain seething on the inside
wud be thankful for any suggestions.