[LordSappington]

Everyone has seen those TV talent shows where someone talks all about how they dream of being a singer since they were little. Then they go in front of the judges and sings, and it's terrible. It's doesn't even qualify as singing. You wonder if this was staged, it was so bad. The judges tear them to pieces. You think to yourself, "Well, some people just can't sing. They should just give up."

Well, that's how I feel about my life now. I simply can't manage it anymore. I've run out of ideas. I've run out of emotional energy. I simply cannot manage to connect with any women at all. The past six years have been a string of scathing rejections, first starting with my best friend who suddenly and inexplicably cut off all forms of contact with me, and culminating in the thousand pinpricks of girl after girl ignoring me or standing me up.

I am the only person I know who has this problem. A good friend of mine had his wife leave him, spiraled into a terrible depression, ended up being institutionalized for a bit, developed severe social anxiety, and then went on one date and now has a girlfriend. My other friend went on dates with two girls, and was living with one of them within a week. I recently hosted a dinner party and realized I was the only single person there. Valentine's Day is coming up and I'm dateless. Our big graduate student formal dance is coming up, and I'm going to dateless again. I've lost count at how women I've gone through with either one date or no dates at all. 20? 30?

There's something fundamentally wrong with me. I don't know what it is, and I've run out of ideas. The people who can see it are those same people who refuse to speak to me anymore. Everyone else says I'm doing it just fine. I think I need a drastic change in course. Being respectful simply isn't working. I think it's time to become a manipulative jerk. I'll let you guys know how it goes.