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Originally Posted by bleachjt  I’ve always been my worst critic, and I never manage to satisfy myself when I for example draw something. I used to love to draw, but I stopped because I saw that I’d never be good as the best artists, so I quit it. So today I read the “ 30 Days To Success” blog entry and I thought: “Wow, this is really good! I finally have a reason to draw again. I’ll just give it a 30-days-trial.” Then I set a goal for myself. One drawing each day for 30 days and then we’ll see if I continue or not.
So full of positive thoughts and energy I started to draw a portrait of the actor Zhang Ziyi. I have drawn portraits before with no real problems, some that I am even proud of. I started drawing, and after a few seconds I started to become unsure of myself and after a couple of minutes I gave up. Ok, my self-confidence got itself a knock, but let’s try something simpler I thought. So I found an anime person that I wanted to draw. Simple details, so I started to draw, but after maybe 10 minutes I gave up because I saw a failure in the near future. It just isn’t going to be good enough.
Now I’m thinking this might have been a bad idea. Maybe my self-confidence got more hurt than it should. This does bother me, I can feel it now. It shouldn’t, but it does. The perfectionist inside me killed my fun-time, my creative time.
So I need help I guess. This is my enemy, perfectionism. I need to win the war or I fear it will haunt me forever. |
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My experience of perfectionism
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I can definitely relate. I’ve found perfectionism can be a useful tool once you learn to use it, rather then having it using you. Although I seem to have a reverse case of perfectionism in comparison to what you are experiencing.
For example, if I can’t do something, instead of giving up because I know my current attempts aren’t going to be good enough, I am driven to push on until they are -- to perfect the skill that is not yet perfect. My will to improve and step up to a challenge trump the frustration and feeling of failure I experience when I am unable to do something perfectly and to my satisfaction, and that can give me great motivation to learn something new and improve myself.
If tried to draw something and found I couldn’t draw very well, I would hone my drawing skills to perfection. But understand that what you consider to be “perfection” isn’t
really perfection, but your own expectations and standards that you hold yourself to. Once I understood this (it was more so a mental realisation more then anything), I was able to look at things in a different way and instead of seeing my “perfectionism” as a restrictive cage, it became a useful companion that cooperated with me instead of against me.
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How I tamed the beast
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Eventually I learnt that, like a light with a dimmer switch -- a tool -- perfectionism is something you can turn on or off at will, and even used to varying degrees. You are not restricted to the options of “on” or “off”. You can also use varying degrees such as only 60% perfectionism, and 40% "I don't mind how this turns out". It all depends on the extent of your expectations and the standards you set for yourself in regards to a certain activity.
How did I come to this understanding this?
I observed some of my every day actions and I realised that they were far from perfect. But then what was making me feel as if certain things had to be perfect? The answer was my beliefs about perfectionism and the standards I had set for myself. This was by no means something that happened over night. Quite the contrary; it was something that took place over a fairly long time period (about a few years, basically during my teenage years), largely unconsciously, and only as I grew older and increase my analytical ability was I was able to come to understand what actually took place.
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So wait a sec... how is any of this useful? - My advice to you
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My advice to you would be that instead of waging war against perfectionism, exploit it to your advantage. Try using your perfectionism against itself by seeing things from a different perspective. For example, if you cannot draw a perfect drawing, realise that by giving in you are actually failing your perfectionism on a higher level – your drawing skills are not perfect, or at least, as good as you would like them to be. And if you want to go even higher in terms of perspective, you could say you are failing to live your life perfectly, because all of the skills you practice are lacking. Use this realisation to see through the illusion of perfectionism and realise that not everything can be perfect. Then use that understanding to set realistic standards for yourself and allow yourself to enjoy what you do.
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Two final points - Avoiding the traps of perfectionism
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Finally, I will mention some things that, should you choose to take note of them, will hopefully save you from having to go through the self inflicted mental torment I put myself through:
Firstly, don’t compare yourself to others. This will constantly dissatisfy you. Instead, compare yourself to your own expectations for yourself, endeavouring to always be honest with yourself. If you are doing something and tell yourself you are doing fine, but deep down you feel you expect yourself to be better, don't resist it -- accept it. Then, take whatever action is necessary to get started on reaching that expectation. And once you do that, you’ll often find that it isn’t so much the destination that is important, it is the journey -- the act of striving to reach a higher point, not reaching the point itself. That said, feel free to observe the accomplishments for others and use that to inspire you and to set new, higher expectations for yourself. Just don't fall into the trap of letting comparison, for I think you'll find all it does is give you problems.
Secondly, don’t hold other people to your expectations. You will be constantly disappointed if you expect people to meet your self imposed criteria and they fail to go the distance. Of course, you can still have expectations for others, but don't feel it is necessary to react when they are not met. Simply accept things as they are, and if you want to make improvements, take the necessary action yourself. This can involve taking action either directly, such as by improving something that has already been done, or indirectly, such as by talking to the individual who did not meet your expectation and see if they aren't willing to make improvements.