Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina  If you want to get your rocks off a lot, have fun with it. But it seems rather juvenile to denigrate others who make different choices, as if they're secretly envious or something. Please...
Maybe pepole just don't think the PUA lifestyle is all that special. Many who've slept around a lot have said it's not worth such a huge time investment, and they come out wanting other things. But those who are in the thick of it often need to draw others in to justify their lifestyle.
The opportunity cost of sleeping with lots of women can be pretty high. Some people pour a good chunk of their lives into it. But the long-term gains they retain from that pursuit, if any, have little to do with how many women they slept with. It's more about the fears they were able to overcome.
I think many people who get into PUA are sex addicts, borderline sex predators. They become like druggies trying to sell others on it so as to justify their ongoing addiction, even as real life is slowly passing them by. They think more sex will fulfill them, but it just leaves them feeling empty, frustrated, and angry.
Would I rather have invested my time in sleeping with 100 women instead of doing other things instead? Not remotely. I'm happy with the lifestyle choices I've made thus far. I'm glad I built a successful business (two actually), wrote hundreds of articles, got a book published, made fascinating friends, had a family, moved to Vegas, went vegetarian then vegan then raw, ran a marathon, trained in martial arts, go into pro speaking, learned podcasting, bought two houses, etc. I'm glad I didn't sacrifice any of those things to become a top PUA with lots of sexual conquests.
I still enjoyed plenty of sex along the way, but I'm glad I didn't turn sex into the central focus of my life. I think I'd be much less happy if I did that.
Don't get me wrong. Sex is great. But so is a really good salad... especially one with olives and sundried tomatoes... when the tomatoes have that perfect balance of sweetness and tartness... soooo good! But I can enjoy food without ballooning myself to 300 lbs. Similarly, I can enjoy sex without becoming a sex addict.
I could use the same silly tactics as some of these PUA types and goad people into doing stuff to "build their courage". I could shame people into new lifestyle choices. I could chide people for being too cowardly to shoplift, for instance, which is something I did hundreds of times as a teenager. I could label PUAs as wimps and cowards for being too scared to risk prison time. Seriously... how brave can you be if you can't even break the law? You think it takes balls to approach a woman on the street and start a conversation? To get her into bed and have sex? Gimme a break! Even my daughter can overcome approach anxiety. If you want to build your courage, try taking a real risk for once. If the only thing you're risking is embarrassment, you can hardly wrap yourself in a cloak of courage. Play a game with more than penny stakes. Risk your livelihood. Risk your freedom. Risk your family's financial security. Risk your life.
The PUA community is filled with people who claim their marshmallow balls are made of steel. But most of them don't even have the balls to post in public forums with their real names... traceable to their real identities. If they had an ounce of courage, they'd post on public forums using their real names, not lame handles to hide their identities from their boss, friends, and of course their mommy.
See what I mean? I can use shame just as easily, and most PUAs are easy targets. But does it really help? |