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Originally Posted by Happybird  Hey Smilingaway, I have a few ideas to share, maybe they will be of some help. I'm just rambling about what comes into my mind, so dont be surprised if it doesnt make much sense 
First of all, I strongly doubt this has anything to do with the relationship with your parents. It is because as a woman, you are biologically wired to be attracted to "bad" boys. (Goes for every single woman that I know) Sweet and caring guys simply are not sexually attractive to women. It's stupid, I know, but that does not make it any less true  Women are much less attracted to physical aspects of men than vice versa. Women are biologically attracted to somewhat dominant, powerful men (e.g. the ones that are most likely to provide healthy and successful offspring). Maybe your boyfriend should start reading up a bit on how to seduce a woman (I'm way too nice for a man also, so don't send him to me ). Alternatively, consider ending your romantic relationship and going on as friends. That's what your relationship sounds like to me anyways.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be saying here that you think you can "buy" love with your body. That seducing your boyfriend with your body is the way in which you prevent him from leaving you. And that you can "safely" have sex in a marriage, because then he is bound to you by marriage and hence will not leave.
If this is all true, then my advice would be: either finish your relationship and find someone you are sexually attracted to AND trust or explore sexuality with your boyfriend, and do NOT wait till you are married. I suggest that you learn to let go of control.... simply by letting go of control. If you hold on to not having sex as a tool of keeping your boyfriend, then maybe you should just let go of this tool. Marriage should not be a prison, and neither should the sexual attraction that your boyfriend feels for you be a prison. Maybe letting go of this "tool" will sever the connection between "sex" and "control" in your mind, so that you may actually learn to enjoy sex for what it is (a pleasant activity, a way of giving love) instead of mixing it up with things that have nothing to do with it.
Keep in mind that I write these things in the hope that they might help you. Good luck on your search!
p.s. Maybe you should read some of Steve's articles about scarcity and abundance thinking in relationships, these may be of help. |
I appreciate your thoughts on this.
I found the part about women being attracted to more dominant men interesting. My boyfriend is not as outspoken as me and tends to hold back when it comes to vocalizing complaints/irritations/thoughts. I discussed this with him tonight and i found it helpful. He realizes that he needs to be more of the dominant man that is attractive to me. Instead of always letting me pick the resturant, he needs to tell me where he wants to go and that we should go there.
I already feel a little more sexually attracted to him when I think of him more dominant and aggressive. Except for this past year, we were always wanting each other and I found him sexually attracted. But I believe a lot of stress, our long distance relationship (which I forgot to mention), and perhaps a biological component all has taken its toll.
While I appreciate your thoughts about sex before marriage, I believe it is better to wait. It's something I have been committed to doing since I was a teenager and I want to stay committed to this goal of mine. But it has crossed my mind and my boyfriend and I have discussed it many of times.
I believe that the long distance has something to do with it and hopefully that will be resolved.
Thanks for your thoughts!!