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CreativeSpace · 01-08-2007, 03:26 AM

I just wanted to tell my recent exciting development of my road to recovery from years of suffering from depression.

About two months ago I walked around as if the whole world was on my shoulders. I suffered from low self-esteem, fear of living, guilt about my past, isolation of myself from others, lack of a positive outlook, profound anger at others and a constant feeling of thoughts about suicide. I went to the doctor with a idea that maybe I had SAD (Seasonal Adjusted Disorder) as a way of explaning everything and my doctor straight away prescribed anti-depressants and counselling.

As I left the building I suddenly stopped and looked down at the prescription and thought something was drastically wrong but I was very calm about it. That feeling became much stronger when I collected the tablets and I had a notion that the tablets were wrong, that what was happening was just not making sense.

After taking the tablets for four weeks I saw no difference in how I was feeling and actually found myself back at the doctors asking for an increase in my dose. Without hesitation I got the same calm sense of something being misplaced and not making sense.

Whatever spiritual influence was making itself known I had a wake up call a few days later when I suddenly asked myself out loud why was I taking the tablets. I found myself smiling as it slowly dawned on me that the tablets were a mental step too far from my truth and in a sense they had taken away choice from my life. For so long I had lived the depression script as it was the only script I knew but apart from those times I felt suicidal I was always in control somehow. The thought of losing control was alarming and so overwhelming that I decided there and then not to take the tablets. Now I am not advocating anyone stopping medication as the way to go (the can be serious side effects and in a certain way of looking at it medication is an important part of any recovery) but I had such a strong impulse to let it go that the whole depression script was turned on its head. I proudly told everyone that I was not suffering from SAD, that I wanted to live a healthy and productive life and I no longer wanted to be miserable. The change was incredible. I suddenly had energy and passion and a huge urge to be creative. The old me that has been the norm for so long was shunted way back and a new version of me came forth, kind of like the pheonix thing.

I know depression is a very individual thing and people have different coping mechanisms and ways of presenting symptoms but I am so proud of the way I have turned this around that I just want to shout about it. I can not believe that for so long I protected my depression. How bizarre is that!!!? Now I want to be active and alive. I have never felt so better!

01-08-2007, 03:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
CreativeSpace Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 8	Defeating Depression... I just wanted to tell my recent exciting development of my road to recovery from years of suffering from depression. About two months ago I walked around as if the whole world was on my shoulders. I suffered from low self-esteem, fear of living, guilt about my past, isolation of myself from others, lack of a positive outlook, profound anger at others and a constant feeling of thoughts about suicide. I went to the doctor with a idea that maybe I had SAD (Seasonal Adjusted Disorder) as a way of explaning everything and my doctor straight away prescribed anti-depressants and counselling. As I left the building I suddenly stopped and looked down at the prescription and thought something was drastically wrong but I was very calm about it. That feeling became much stronger when I collected the tablets and I had a notion that the tablets were wrong, that what was happening was just not making sense. After taking the tablets for four weeks I saw no difference in how I was feeling and actually found myself back at the doctors asking for an increase in my dose. Without hesitation I got the same calm sense of something being misplaced and not making sense. Whatever spiritual influence was making itself known I had a wake up call a few days later when I suddenly asked myself out loud why was I taking the tablets. I found myself smiling as it slowly dawned on me that the tablets were a mental step too far from my truth and in a sense they had taken away choice from my life. For so long I had lived the depression script as it was the only script I knew but apart from those times I felt suicidal I was always in control somehow. The thought of losing control was alarming and so overwhelming that I decided there and then not to take the tablets. Now I am not advocating anyone stopping medication as the way to go (the can be serious side effects and in a certain way of looking at it medication is an important part of any recovery) but I had such a strong impulse to let it go that the whole depression script was turned on its head. I proudly told everyone that I was not suffering from SAD, that I wanted to live a healthy and productive life and I no longer wanted to be miserable. The change was incredible. I suddenly had energy and passion and a huge urge to be creative. The old me that has been the norm for so long was shunted way back and a new version of me came forth, kind of like the pheonix thing. I know depression is a very individual thing and people have different coping mechanisms and ways of presenting symptoms but I am so proud of the way I have turned this around that I just want to shout about it. I can not believe that for so long I protected my depression. How bizarre is that!!!? Now I want to be active and alive. I have never felt so better!