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Originally Posted by Subscreet  You should probably continue with the therapy as that will likely help you infinitely more than any armchair pseudo-psychology from these forums will. The trauma in your past is most certainly the root cause of this.
Why did you feel like the therapy wasn't working? Have you tried working with different professionals? There's nothing anybody can say or do that will suddenly make all of this work out for you. Being healthy is a long-term commitment and therapy isn't really something you "move on" from. If you have a GP or family doctor then perhaps you should get a referral from them for a new professional to work with. |
You should listen to this guy, he has lots of great advice.
Remember, change is slow, nothing happens instantly, and things like therapy take forever. You are broken and need to be fixed.
Sorry about ragging you out like this Subscreet, but honestly, going to a therapist to solve my problems would be like going to a butcher to become a vegetarian, or going to a bartender for advice on how to quit drinking. They make money by keeping you coming back to them. There are the rare ones that really do solve problems for real and forever, so if you manage to find one, go to them. But I think it's a good idea to drop a therapist when they aren't beneficial to you anymore.
Until you find a new one though, you could spend time being your own therapist. Now, while what happened when you were 2 1/2 could have impacted on you, it would have been compounded in the upteen years since. You spoke of using sex to be in control, to be the master, and you say you still use that tactic on your boyfriend, to get him interested. This whole "not interested" thing is just another layer you've invented on top. I mean you get your boyfriend all interested, and then you shut down. How much more control do you need.
The question to ask yourself though, would be why do you feel like you need to be in control? You mention your father, but I think it's less about the sexual abuse, and more about the emotional and spiritual abuse he put you through. There was never a loving connection between you and he was one to control your life, and perhaps your mother's too. I think it's a case of feeling powerless since you were young, and this control thing allows you to bring some of that power back into your life, but in a destructive way. I'm not sure I'm on the right track here, but am I close?