[ns123]

I have a similar relationship with my own parents. My parents are proud of me that I am financially well off, but they also resent it because I am financially more well than them. So they throw it in my face a lot - "oh yeah, you can do that because you have money."

Here is how it plays out, I say we are doing something (like a huge remodel) and my parents go, "that's cuz you have money, must be nice." And they say it with contempt. Then I roll my eyes and I say, "whatever." Not without contempt of my own.

The problem is, when this plays out, it leaves us both feeling unloved and upset. It doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong, we are both feeling like total crap is the result.

Now, replay this scenario many times over, not just with money, but with any kind of success I have I my life (as well as yours). They are proud of me, but they also resent me because my success activates a limiting belief they have that if I'm successful, I'm "better" than them, which makes them "less" so they have to put me in my place. It sounds like your parents are a lot like mine.

Your parents don't hate you, and they are not bad parents. They hold a very strong limiting belief that holds them back from fully loving and appreciating for who you are. And yes, it hurts you. And you can tell them so, but you have, and it has not been very productive. Nor will it be productive for me to tell my parents "how it is."

So here's a new playbook for you. Next time, they rub it in your face of your success, be generous with them. Stop the cycle by saying something like, "You know, Mom, the reason why I'm so successful is because of YOU GUYS. You gave me a strong sense of values based on hard work, honesty, and perseverance. And I just wanted to thank you for that, because it is the foundation that have given me the ability to be truly happy." Say something like that, and see what happens.

So, in this case, with your wedding and your new man, instead of saying, yeah, well you hurt me too and stop telling me what to do! - you could be generous and acknowledge their feelings and maybe come up with a way that they can be "there" for your wedding, but not really there. Marriage is a big deal and they probably feel cut off from you since they were not there for your first marriage, and will not be able to experience so many things they are looking forward with you (like grandkids). I'm not saying that they are right to control you, but you have to admit, missing out on your daughter's marriage not getting to experience being grandparents kind of sucks. That doesn't mean you have to go out and breed for them.

So, instead of lashing out at them (which is understandable that you did), you could find it in your heart to be generous with them and include them in some part of your life. So maybe you can say something like this:
"I'm sorry that you feel hurt, but I don't want a big wedding. But I understand that you would want to be a part of this special day, so I am planning on including you in.... (whatever) when I get back. "

That said, I have promised myself to be generous with my family too, and be loving. I don't always follow through, but the good news is, I will have millions of opportunities to do so, as they will always find a way to annoy and irritate me.

Good luck.