That hard part about moving out is that it doesn't actually change anything except location and frequency of reminders. We're all connected to our family, and until we are at peace with whatever that connection is, it will continue to manifest itself, regardless of where they are. It's an easy mistake to assume on some level that we have "outgrown" our family. This seems especially common when people go down a different growth path than their family. They see what's happening in their own life and don't see it happening in their family's lives. Somehow we do that math and it tells us we've passed them by. But we just don't have access to their experience, so that's not a valid conclusion to reach.
The thing it neglects is that every relationship -- in some ways especially those that we do not choose -- is a reflection of ourself. That's not some mystical platitude; it's the simple result of the fact that our relationship as a concept only exists in our mind as the sum of our experiences and our judgment of those experiences. We cannot escape the actuality of those experiences, that is true. But we tend to go a step further in believing that those experiences and judgments are a predictor of the future.
So in practical terms, this means that we often mistake being accepted for being understood. And we feel that if our family doesn't understand us the way we understand ourselves, that our relationship -- and possibly we ourselves -- are incomplete. But it's impossible for that to happen -- even the "best" relationships are only based on a positive belief of what each other is, and not on the actuality. So we think that the failure of our relationship is based on something external (ie them), when in reality it's based on an unrealizable expectation. Only when we accept the relationship for what it is and value that without wanting it to be more or different can we discover what it really can be. But if we hold on to what it's not, it holds us back on our own journey.
That said, it can definitely be *easier* to reach that peace and allowance when you're no longer living together. It sounds like you're at the point where the living arrangement is more of the problem than the relationship itself. Keep those separate in your mind and you may find that things get better faster than you expect. Just give them a chance to accept you, and don't manifest what you think they believe you to be and make those expectations a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good luck!
Andy
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