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Originally Posted by Angela  Danas, my feeling is that while it's a great idea to openly talk to him about your feelings and to ask him if he'd like to give it a shot, it might be a generous gift you could give him to wait just a little bit before you open hailing frequencies in this matter.
I say that because, in my experience, when someone is experiencing the stress of things like a flooded, being-renovated apartment, along with a visiting guest, he might feel a bit overwhelmed by a "relationship" conversation. At this point, maybe you'd feel better if you were to simply offer emotional support and good wishes, and be a generous source of love, peacefulness, and joy; grant him some space to pull together his resources and feel grounded again. You may find at that point that he opens hailing frequencies himself, but if you are the one to open the conversation, I think you might find him more amenable to it, having experienced you as a resource and being in a more resourceful state.
I know that I've been approached with "relationship" talk when I'm in the middle of a small or large crisis, and it's difficult, because I wanted to be really present in the relationship but needed to take care of my more basic needs before I could do that effectively.
What do you think?
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hmmm... you may be right.
He wrote friday, so Im giving some space, maybe Ill write Tuesday (or is that too unsupportive
) , and offer to talk on the phone (as well as giving my best wishes& support). But not with an "we need to talk" attitude but rather "I'd be happy to hear your voice, Is it ok to call you?"
because we havent actually spoken since he left and I think one of us should take a move forward with this especially as I told him before he left how much of a nightmare it was with my old LDR when we were on skype daily and my schedule was dependent on those daily talks...so he may think Im the one who doesnt want to talk. I noticed he took to heart everything I said.
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p.s... have you thought about what "giving it a try" means, practically speaking? Does it mean, let's not sleep with anyone else, or let's focus on making this a primary relationship, but sex with others is an option? Or ....... something else? I think it helps if you've distinguished what you're asking him for.
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Its not so much about sleeping around. Oddly, (maybe under Steves influence?) I dont feel thats so important to me right now...He actually told me he can go a very long time without sex, but if he did, thats ok. I think that kind of thing should be out of free choice and not that he cant because he's signed some unwritten contract.
It means to be willing to make a bit of an effort to keep in touch until we meet next, which should be soon.
I dont see much point in being in touch at all if it's not leading to a meeting. Either we give this a try in reality, or we dont at all. Im not looking for a penpal
. I guess it means finding out if it would make him happy if I came visit for the sake of getting to know eachother better... and if not then it's very clear he's not serious.
Thank for your insight, its very helpful
