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Old 01-25-2009, 03:00 PM   #14 (permalink)
Angela
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Danas, my feeling is that while it's a great idea to openly talk to him about your feelings and to ask him if he'd like to give it a shot, it might be a generous gift you could give him to wait just a little bit before you open hailing frequencies in this matter.

I say that because, in my experience, when someone is experiencing the stress of things like a flooded, being-renovated apartment, along with a visiting guest, he might feel a bit overwhelmed by a "relationship" conversation. At this point, maybe you'd feel better if you were to simply offer emotional support and good wishes, and be a generous source of love, peacefulness, and joy; grant him some space to pull together his resources and feel grounded again. You may find at that point that he opens hailing frequencies himself, but if you are the one to open the conversation, I think you might find him more amenable to it, having experienced you as a resource and being in a more resourceful state.

I know that I've been approached with "relationship" talk when I'm in the middle of a small or large crisis, and it's difficult, because I wanted to be really present in the relationship but needed to take care of my more basic needs before I could do that effectively.

What do you think?

p.s... have you thought about what "giving it a try" means, practically speaking? Does it mean, let's not sleep with anyone else, or let's focus on making this a primary relationship, but sex with others is an option? Or ....... something else? I think it helps if you've distinguished what you're asking him for.
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