Yes I'll echo what celebriticat said.
You're clear on what you don't want. I wouldn't want a relationship based on the examples you've described either. So, now is the time to focus on what you do want. I'm interested in two things you wrote when you thought about the future.
One was the word 'sacrifice'. That is a huge loaded word.
Quote:
" Can you imagine a way of having a relationship where you maintain the level of personal freedom that feels right to you?"
"Sure. I wouldn't call its impossible. I might have to sacrifice a bit, but I can definitely imagine."
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From that I'm guessing when you think about a relationship you don't really focus on whatyou want. Because this big word 'SACRIFICE' comes looming over you. Blimey, that's enough to put anyone off anything!!!
What is it that you are concerned about sacrificing? Is it your free time, or is it your fear that you will blend with this person. I understand that your mental space is important to you. It is entirely possible to have a relationship and still maintain your own identity and space. You have to set up healthy boundaries.
When you date someone in a healthy relationship, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice! You enjoy the time you spend with them, and you enjoy the time apart. You respect each other's need to be your own person.
The second thing I noticed is that you don't really seem to believe that there are any women available who share your interested in "metaphysics/insight meditation and stuff like that". It seems like you have already decided that. Yes I'm sure it seems that most of the women around you are just interested in lipstick and shopping and getting drunk! But so what. You don't want every girl. You only want one.
So where are you likely to find someone with the same interests as you? It's unlikely to be propping up the bar at 4am so going to clubs and bars isn't the way forward! I'm sure there must be societies and groups at your college or in the town you live where like minded people can meet. Is there a meditation group, spiritualist church, healing group, alternative therapy centre, etc anywhere around you. These types of groups are usually mostly women and are very friendly and welcoming even if you turn up on your own. I'm sure you would meet lots of likeminded people if you attended something like that on a regular basis. (I'm not suggesting you go out all the time. Maybe just once a week to start with so that you get enough alone time too).
What I found postive in your post in what you will gain is that you said "Mutual love, finding more of my insecurities"
That is soooooo true! Contrary to popular belief, we don't have relationships to be happy. We have relationships to grow.
We attract someone who embodies our denied parts of ourselves. They press our buttons so that we can heal and accept those parts of ourselves.
I'm so pleased you have already got this. (It took me a long time to find this out!)
Incidently according to John Demartini we already have everything we want in life.
if we say we want a partner and we don't - then that is because for us the pain outweighs the pleasure of the relationship.
When he works with people in those situations he gets them to list all the things they would gain if they were in a relationship
e.g.
mutual love
more of my insecurities brought to light
feeling sexy
feeling special
feeling of connection
laughter
etc
etc
then what he does is he gets the person to see how those things are already in their life. However because they believe it will be more painful to have them present in just one person, they scatter all the things they want between lots and lots of different people. They then either choose to stay as they are, given that they have all things they need from a relationship in many forms. Or they decide to overcome their fear of having all these things in one form.
YouTube - The Secret of Relationships with John Demartini
or for more indepth interview (not just relationships)
YouTube - John Demartini interviewed by Alan Steinfeld