H.S- Thanks for the reply. Your questions make me think deeper about my life and discover embarrassing facts. But that's the truth and I have to face it ( and grow out of it) sooner rather than later.
I've lead an introverted lifestyle for the most part. I go to college, come back home (my roommates mind their own business). My main interaction with people happens at college, even that's at more of an academical level.
A big part of the problem is that I've lead that lifestyle for a long time and this has become my modus oprendi. I've found comfort in this routine. Not that I fear social interaction, but I think I fear to break this routine which is so comforting to me. It's like an addiction to a drug! (
Neurochemicals which trigger the comfort act as drugs too)
(a) I've seen a lot of this in my peers where two people who have totally different personalities start relationships. Most don't last long. Even during the time they're dating the guy would be "Oh well, this is what she wants, might as well go along with it even if I don't like that"
(b) Or even worse, starting relationships just to get laid. This is the norm, more than the exception. I detest this. There's no love in it ( well maybe I'm lashing out because of my bitterness). But I strongly feel this is not how humans should treat each other.
(c) Another instance is that I've seen girls being in abusive relationships because of the "need to have a boyfriend" in compliance with social norms
Sure. I wouldn't call its impossible. I might have to sacrifice a bit, but I can definitely imagine
More on personal freedom and personality stuff:
I am a very contemplative person who is sensitive to my feelings. Whenever I feel anxious and sad ( or any feeling for that matter) I'm immediately aware of that. I've studied various schools of Buddhism and other non dualistic traditions fairly extensively and have gained a lot of insights about the true meaning of reality. This is a fairly big aspect of my personality plays a role in my lack of relationships too. I have not encountered any girls who show any interest in metaphysics/insight meditation and stuff like that. Now you'd say why don't you go online dating, but so far I've been very apprehensive of that (
fears, I know). I'd rather get to know a person through social circumstances