I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, pyrogen.
You did make me laugh with the "I'm a special specialton!" song! So. How would your life look if you had everything you want? Do you have a picture in your head of how you'd like your life to go? You are sort of focused on what you don't want (that is, what you've got), but how would it look, sound, and feel if you were living your ideal life?
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