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C33 · 01-07-2007, 01:51 PM

A lot of people do not see the world as everchanging, they want to have the same friends, do the same things, live in the same place for the rest of their life. They cling to a false sense of security.

They do not understand why people want to improve, change their conditions, change their lives.

They think that if you haven t done something by a certain age, you will never do it and it is a useless dream.They act threatened at any sign of change in others, especially if this is for the best, usually because they know it will take the other person to a place where they might not be able to follow them.

People who live in fixity can foster a lot of agressivity towards someone who wants to change, to advance in life. A real friend should be supportive of your endeavours or, at the least, welcome your desire for transformation.

Time will tell if it is really worth it,for you, to keep this friendship. It is great that you have the intention of telling her something is not working.Maybe she doesn t realize she is sabotaging the friendship with her negative attitude.

I am going through a similar situation, and my barometer is my body. I feel so much more relaxed now, that I do not have to interact with some friends that were draining me of my energy. I would have a great time with them, but my body would tell me something was wrong, by tensing up. For example: my shoulders would tense up or my stomach would curl up at something they would say, that would go against my values. I would let this feeling pass, but I realized that, after interacting with them, I would be less positive about the validity of my goals, for example, or I would feel leaden because it seemed to me we had been having the same conversation for years.

It can be painful to lose friendships, but if you drift apart from others, without anger, harsh words or actions, you will have peace in your soul.When the time is right, you might be able to rekindle that friendship, when it has become a joy and not an obligation.

01-07-2007, 01:51 PM	#16 (permalink)
C33 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 623	Different ways of looking at life... A lot of people do not see the world as everchanging, they want to have the same friends, do the same things, live in the same place for the rest of their life. They cling to a false sense of security. They do not understand why people want to improve, change their conditions, change their lives. They think that if you haven t done something by a certain age, you will never do it and it is a useless dream.They act threatened at any sign of change in others, especially if this is for the best, usually because they know it will take the other person to a place where they might not be able to follow them. People who live in fixity can foster a lot of agressivity towards someone who wants to change, to advance in life. A real friend should be supportive of your endeavours or, at the least, welcome your desire for transformation. Time will tell if it is really worth it,for you, to keep this friendship. It is great that you have the intention of telling her something is not working.Maybe she doesn t realize she is sabotaging the friendship with her negative attitude. I am going through a similar situation, and my barometer is my body. I feel so much more relaxed now, that I do not have to interact with some friends that were draining me of my energy. I would have a great time with them, but my body would tell me something was wrong, by tensing up. For example: my shoulders would tense up or my stomach would curl up at something they would say, that would go against my values. I would let this feeling pass, but I realized that, after interacting with them, I would be less positive about the validity of my goals, for example, or I would feel leaden because it seemed to me we had been having the same conversation for years. It can be painful to lose friendships, but if you drift apart from others, without anger, harsh words or actions, you will have peace in your soul.When the time is right, you might be able to rekindle that friendship, when it has become a joy and not an obligation.