Quote:
Originally Posted by apsmith  Let's say your relationship of six years has one person who would prefer the relationship to be monogamous and one person who wants openness. You have talked about it honestly for years. You each have tried the other's relationship style with varying success. The underlying preference hasn't changed and continues to cause contention. In all other ways, you are compatible, happy, and committed to being together for the rest of your lives. Someone has to make a sacrifice. Each of you is willing to do so if it were required to stay together, but neither wants the other to feel forced into it. How can you move past this stalemate? |
There are several couples in our local poly community that are mono/poly combinations. They have looked into the other partner's desired love style, decided that it isn't for them, but that they still want to be together. They work out a way for each of them to get what they need.
For example, the poly partner dates and loves others, explores and socializes outside their couple, as well as continuing to put energy into their mono relationship. The mono partner enjoys all of the recreational, spiritual and social opportunities they desire and remains emotionally focused on their single partner. If anyone has needs that aren't being met, they use their Big Boy/Girl words, and ask for what they desire.
Yes, the mono/poly pairing takes a bit of work to negotiate boundaries that are sustainable and comfortable for both partners. How much information does the poly person share about their outside connections? Do they meet the people their partner is dating? How much time is set aside to nurture the primary relationship?
In the book Opening Up by Tristan Taormino is a chapter on Poly/Mono relationships. I'd recommend it to anyone considering this path.