Speaking as a polyamorous woman who lives with two men and has kids in the household, I can say that being honest isn't always easy, but is well-worth the effort. We've come out as poly to all of our parents in the past year. Two out of three sets took it well. They asked questions, checked in with the kids, assured themselves that no one was being coerced into things and got on board, being very supportive.
The one set that didn't do well with it was my parents. My father is a conservative minister, so this is far outside their belief system. However, since my daughter spends time with them, it was important for me to share the truth with them so that she feels comfortable being open and honest with her family members. Can you imagine going to Grandma and Grandpa's house and not being able to talk about one of your parents, or your sibling?
My parents have since decided that they want to continue to have a relationship with our daughter, and with me on some level, even if they don't agree with our choices. They are clear that bad-mouthing us to her will restrict the time they have with their granddaughter, so they keep their opinions to themselves.
Even if this family structure isn't standard issue, it is what you have chosen. As a responsible parent I'd recommend you set things up so that you answer the hard questions and deal with any flack yourself as it pertains to your extended family. Bite the bullet and share the truth. Give them time to process. Be aware that there will be many questions, and likely some negative response. It won't be a one time conversation. Allow each of your spouses to come up with an approach that feels most successful to them to disclose the information to their individual families.
Best of luck to you in retro-engineering your family. It's going to take a lot of work.
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