I just read steves blog
Initiating Relationships with Openness, Honesty, and Directness
Im feeling very confused and overwhelmed about someone I recently met and really like.
We met online and started writing to eachother and I loved his letters.
He lives in another country but told me he was coming to my country to visit a month after we started writing. He's originaaly from here and his parents and friends are here. (BTW we are both in our mid 30s.)
Finally we met. He gave me very short notice and was at my place within 10 min.
No time to dress up... Anyway, We clicked immidiately.
Everyday we met, spending hours together talking and talking snuggling and kissing.
I jumped up and down everytime he called. Which was often. It just felt so right.
Then we finally talked about "us". And yes, We were very direct and honest with eachother. We both expressed that we liked eachother a lot. That this was something very special.
So all the "Openness, Honesty, and Directness" workd fine until this point.
After a week of being toether he was leaving back to his country of residence.
He said: either you come there or Ill come back here.
On the last day we just spent hours talking and holding eachother.
In the past we both had experienced long distance relationships.
he told me his LDR gf was needy and it was impossible, so at one point he lied and invented that he met someone else, he cant stand neediness.
I too told him that with my long distance bf, we were daily talking on skype and my whole schedule was around some virtual relationship, which I didnt want, I thought it wasnt healthy and takes a lot of energy.
I told him he is free to do what he wants and to date, and if we miss eachother we'll find a way to be together.
So he flew home and wrote as soon as he landed. Then he wrote more.
But now I havent heard from him for a week.
Thats OK. I didnt want us to be communicating everyday.
But the truth is I keep waiting for him to write.
b/c we both felt this special bond, I want to go after what I really want, which is to take this relationship further.
I thought of flying over there in Easter. Its expensive but I can handle it.
Right now I dont know how he'll feel about that.
Technicaly I could move there & rent out my apartment here. So its not impossible, if thats what we desire. For my career all I need is my laptop.
Living in his country we be a good move career wise.
Right now I'd like to get out of this sea of doubt. This vagueness.
What I really want is to be in a commited relationship which works in reality and not just in my mind.
My plan is to wait till he writes again and then ask to talk to him on the phone. And eventually ask him if he'd like me to come visit.
I dont want to write to him before he writes back b/c I want to give him his space. Maybe he met someone new. And I want to give him the time he needs to get clearer on what he wants from us. if anything.
But if Im honest Im not yet open to meeting new people here. I need closre first. honesty, directness.
but I feel it cant be done in 12 seconds as Steve wrote because I feel he doesnt have a clear answer yet. becasue of the distance its hard to know what you feel, especially because sacrifices will be made.
In general I am the one that knows more than him what I want at this point in my life. He is not yet sure at least career wise. and probably in general.
I wish for clarity- any suggestions?
Im hardly gettng any sleep these days. Taming my mind has become so difficult.