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ns123 · 01-21-2009, 06:55 PM

I sometimes can be seen as some one who is taken for granted. But I've come to realize that it's me who allows it to happen.

Some times, I consciously allow it to happen. For example, I have a neighbor who takes advantage of me. He'll leave his three kids with me for "a few minutes while I run to the store" and he won't come back until about 3 hours later. Or, I'll invite his children to go to the Zoo or Museum with us, but he never reciprocates. But I think, well, if I stop, who am I punishing? Really, the kids. Since I genuinely love his children, I allow it to happen. I don't allow the free babysitting as much, but I have stopped expecting him to invite my children out in reciprocation.

There have been times that other people have taken advantage of me and the next time I just decline. I try to do so without resentment or contempt. Most of it is me letting go of those feelings and just say, sorry, I can't. I have other plans. Or some times I suggest an alternative (like a good babysitter).

Some times, I am unsure of when to help or when not to help. But I've come to realize that I only help when I am truly happy to do so. If there is any resentment or contempt about it, I say no. Most of it is coming to realize my own boundaries and sticking to them.

Update: I do not suggest telling off people when they do take advantage of me, mainly because I've done that before and that does not yield results that I'm happy to accept. Gentle words and kindness coupled with honesty is pretty challenging, but it's worth the effort.

01-21-2009, 06:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
ns123 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 654	I sometimes can be seen as some one who is taken for granted. But I've come to realize that it's me who allows it to happen. Some times, I consciously allow it to happen. For example, I have a neighbor who takes advantage of me. He'll leave his three kids with me for "a few minutes while I run to the store" and he won't come back until about 3 hours later. Or, I'll invite his children to go to the Zoo or Museum with us, but he never reciprocates. But I think, well, if I stop, who am I punishing? Really, the kids. Since I genuinely love his children, I allow it to happen. I don't allow the free babysitting as much, but I have stopped expecting him to invite my children out in reciprocation. There have been times that other people have taken advantage of me and the next time I just decline. I try to do so without resentment or contempt. Most of it is me letting go of those feelings and just say, sorry, I can't. I have other plans. Or some times I suggest an alternative (like a good babysitter). Some times, I am unsure of when to help or when not to help. But I've come to realize that I only help when I am truly happy to do so. If there is any resentment or contempt about it, I say no. Most of it is coming to realize my own boundaries and sticking to them. Update: I do not suggest telling off people when they do take advantage of me, mainly because I've done that before and that does not yield results that I'm happy to accept. Gentle words and kindness coupled with honesty is pretty challenging, but it's worth the effort. Last edited by ns123; 01-21-2009 at 06:58 PM. Reason: to add the update part.