Ah. Ok, so it sounds like you have some people close to your heart, who could be living a more joyful happy life, but they choose not to. How do you help them live the kind of life you would like them to live, since you love them and want the best for them?
That's a funny question because I have exactly this going on in my life. Some people close to my heart are pretty much miserable, listless, and are unhappy. And I cannot force them not to be.
So what do I do? I don't want to come off as judgmental and disapproving either. This is what I do:
When I spend time with them, I make it fun. When they complain, I remind them that they deserve to be happy and that they have the power to create that happiness. I remind them that I love them, that I enjoy spending time with them, and I don't judge them. Basically, accept them for who they are and who they are not. And I MEAN it.
For example, one of my brothers is living with my parents. He has a crappy job, no money, the place is a crap hole (their house can be featured on Clean House), he's really unhappy. When he comes to visit, I make time for him. I schedule activities with him. I tell him how much I enjoy his company. I radiate love and well being towards him.
When he complains, I tell him, you know, you deserve to be happy. And you can create that. I believe you will find your way. You could (not should) get out of their house. You could save some of your money. And I listen to his cues. If he starts hemming and hawing... I drop it. He does not want my advice. But I don't attend his pity party either. I just say, wow, I'm really sorry. So what are you going to do about it? If he says he can't do anything, I tell him I don't believe that, I believe there is something he can do about it. And I have faith that he will figure it out. And I MEAN it.
Basically, I try to do gentle prodding, giving advice, and try to let the solution come from him. I listen to his words and if they indicate that he really just wants a pity party, I stop it and change the subject. Or I remind him and reinforce that I love him, believe he will find his way, and change the subject.
Most of the challenge is me, I learn to fully accept them for who they are. And I refrain from disapproval by just stating observations, reinforce my belief and love in them, and just radiate acceptance and well being for them (and of course, I end up doing so for myself too, win win).
I hope that helps.
|