[pyrogen]

I'm probably one of the few women out there who isn't hurt/offended/whatever by the whole PUA phenomenon. Then again, I did "The Rules" for years, and I don't see how it's that different. It's just that PUA aims at what men tend to be after and The Rules aims at what women tend to be after. So many of the principles are the same, it's scary!

After getting dumped by three boyfriends in a row, I was taught a version of "The Rules" by a *man* who was a PUA, when I was 16, before that book even was published, so "The Rules" may actually have its root in PUA for all we know. This PUA may have been a member of an earlier (80s/90s) PUA subculture in Los Angeles. And he was also up on Law of Attraction before very many people knew about it.

He taught me about the games that men play, and how men think.

One thing he taught me was to never be seen too often in the same venue by men I was interested in, or was trying to hold as a boyfriend. Let the guy think I had this busy active social life whether it existed or not; I could even make up rumors for my friends to pass around (really mature stuff there). Never pick up the phone the first time he calls, screen my calls, don't answer every email (the BBSs - the "Ancient Internet" - were a huge social venue for me), don't initiate. I could open the first contact as "friends" (because according to this guy's theories, most guys think that's a come-on anyway) but then the guy would have to close the deal. Don't kiss on the first date or let on that I was too interested. Don't be too available. Keep the balance of power on my side, about 70/30... don't give him enough attention that he feels he has me, but give just enough to keep interested.

Sounds like 1950s grandma wisdom, some of it, right? I was taught by a guy.

I fell prey to the syndrome that happens to people who play games - you lose respect for what you can manipulate.

It backfired on me. I only fell for people who played better than I did who could back-end all of my checklists. The better a "player" I was, in the female version, the more susceptible I was to really masterful male players. A movie that's a must-watch for anyone who plays games of any kind, is "Boomerang" with Eddie Murphy, it's about this very phenomenon.

Eventually I came to really dislike men. I've been out as bisexual since 16 but I took the extra leap and lived as a lesbian for a while.

And found out... what it was like to date women, and what men go through.

I started to understand men a heckuvalot better... as human beings.

I went from being confident in hetero settings to being totally an Average Frustrated Chick and making all the same dumb "nice guy" moves with women.

After I learned to see men as human beings again it was a short step from that to being able to work with them and be better at being friends with them and even the potential to love them again.

So, do I think this stuff is great stuff? Not necessarily.
It's scary to look back on my old relationships and know exactly, in retrospect, at what point what "Rule" I broke and why the relationship failed.

Do I think it can be helpful? Yes.

You can come at your gender of preference from a place of honesty, love and respect. Some people though need to learn to stop being used, and to wield their personal power, before they can even get to a more adult place.

All this stuff really only applies to "night game" which I'll extend to include the singles world in general. It doesn't mean a thing for people you meet as friends, for people you meet in the "real world". Being in the singles world is a totally different skillset.