Don't do it via IM in this case... do it through an email.
Write the email. Save it. Wait a day. Re-read and re-edit the email. Do this for a couple of days until you feel confident the email comes across in a way that reflects what you want to say in an authentic and effective way.
I would suggest you really do not do it via IM if you can avoid that for many reasons...
1) Email lets you get out what you need to say without interruption or distraction
2) She can open it and read it when *she* wants to... on her time, and not on yours. That way if she needs to be in a certain kind of mental / emotional state to be ready for your email, she can prepare for it.
3) She can reflect on your words without the pressure of having to immediately respond. This will allow her to respond more authentically.
There's a lot more reasons... but that's 3 good ones for now.
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