[Gregorz]

(this is a response to the article itself, not any of the posts in the thread)

I'm not so sure that the problem is us 'judging' other people, because I think it's natural to compare and contrast your own opinions and lifestyle with others. As you say, Steve, we learn the most from those who are most different from ourselves. It's natural to think about the way other people do things, whether it be positive or negative. And doesn't being honest entail always saying what we think, even if it's not good? I think it takes a lot of courage to disagree with people, especially those you care about.

Perhaps instead of discouraging others from judging us, we should learn to readily accept their judgements without getting upset. I personally encourage others to judge me. It's like getting a second opinion, and if I understand their logic sometimes it helps me grow. If I see a flaw in their logic, then I respectfully disagree. Worst case scenario, I get nothing, best case scenario, I learn a new area in which I need to grow.

To me, a bigger fear than getting judged is offending someone else with my judgments, even though I always offer my opinions as something to aid them. So I'm often afraid of giving my honest opinion because I'm afraid my intentions will be misconstrued, and maybe they'll think that because of a few flaws, I don't unconditionally love them. If everybody was able to accept criticism without getting angry, there would be no fear of offending your friends, and no reason to tell anything but the truth.

I think it's at ends to say 'be completely honest' and then just keep your mouth closed if you honestly think they could be living a richer life. If you're judging to ostracize or to make yourself feel better about your own life, that's one thing, and you should try to stop. But when I judge people, I do it out of curiosity and a desire to help them be their best. I don't think that's bad at all, though people might resent me if what I say hits home.

In other words, should we be trying to stop people from criticising, or should we learn to embrace the criticism as honesty, and stop seeing it as so bad? There's a quote which I love, that goes; "Free speech is not embodied by saying what you like; it's by hearing what you don't." We can either choose to judge nobody else and in return not be judged .... or, we can judge others and invite judgement upon ourselves. For me, the former choice is one of disconnection, and lets people go on making choices based on avoiding fear (in this case fear of judgement) rather than obtaining our desires. The latter path, on the other hand, takes courage ... and encourages growth.

I personally believe there is a 'right' and a 'wrong' in many situations, and I will always let people know what I think the right option is. If your friend was considering committing a murder, would you say "I can't judge, everybody's different"?

This isn't aimed as a personal attack; like I said, I just think it's important for growth that we should always be honest when we disagree, but without getting angry about it.