I have good news for you, you have absolute and total control over what a marriage will be for you.
If you want a marriage like your grandparents (loving, best friend, whom to raise children with, who you know like your favorite pair of jeans, who you feel as if she is home to you...) that's what your marriage will be.
If you want a marriage like Alan, you will get that too.
What a marriage will be to you is entirely up to you and what you consciously want to create. Yes, like a garden, a marriage can be beautiful, colorful, full of butterflies and hummingbirds - but only if you cultivate it to be so. If you neglect it, like a garden, it will wither and die, and be a barren dry waste of dirt.
The question is not - does marriage work? Just like a garden, you can't really ask, does gardening work? Well, it depends on the gardener.
I can tell you this, marriage can be a deeply satisfying, fulfilling way to express love and generate love for yourself and for others. But only if you are willing to cultivate it as such. Like joy and happiness, it is not a destination to be reached and you can say, "ok, I'm here," it's a path to be walked.
And it is a glorious path! Sure, you may have to deal with fungus on your lawn, or the occasional spider mite... but like a garden, under the right conditions, it will flourish. And you know, there is nothing wrong with choosing that you don't like gardening after all.
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