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pyrogen · 01-15-2009, 01:19 AM

Not the intensity of the relationship. The intensity of the PERSON who's in the relationship.

I have the following problem in my current and past relationships, even in dealing with people who live with me on a daily basis.

My mind is always busy. I am filled with ideas the moment I wake up and the moment I go to bed. I wake up in the middle of the night with five new ideas. About everything. When I was a little kid, my mom hated dinners because every single dinner I'd announce in the middle of dinner "I HAVE A RECIPE!".

My partner feels like I'm a million miles away because I'm always entranced with the newest class I'm taking, my latest business idea, or the book I want to write, et cetera. I find myself wishing he was at the same vibration as me and had enough common interests that we could do at least some of these things together.

My ideas are so captivating (a new interest, business idea, new friend, recent conversation, other new thing). I have trouble with not being self-centered because of how intense my idea machine is.

I really have trouble grasping that people don't wake up wanting to talk about heavy topics, don't want to talk about heavy topics while walking the dog, et cetera. I can do this ALL THE TIME. I am thinking heavily 99% of the time, even metathinking (thinking about thoughts).

My mental activity is very very intense and vivid, even very vivid movies with music in my mind and sometimes visual things. I can visualize extremely well. I stay up all night thinking and/or fantasizing sometimes.

I am also very, very verbal. I will spend all day writing and blogging if I get to. ALL DAY. I need to talk so much that if my partner wants quiet time, I'll want to jump online and blog, or I'll call someone on the phone who wants to talk.

I can write about 50 pages in a day and have done it before, if it wouldn't interfere with anything else. I feel like my head is filled with words constantly. It is literally filled with words. If I described this the wrong way to anyone they would think I am hearing voices. It is more like having several TV sets on in a room.

Nobody matches my energy or intensity level in anything and it is very, very frustrating.

Whenever I have something I like to do I do it more intensely than other people who share the interest. I joined a gym with my partner thinking we'd have a new interest to share finally but it turned out he wanted to just do it thirty minutes tops a day, and I'm there an hour and a half and totally involved with classes and stuff there now. A workout session for me is an hour and a half. I need heavy workouts to the point of exhaustion to be tolerable to people, I learned this lesson from having a high-energy dog and discovering that the trick was to wear the dog out so she'd sleep all day. I'm just like my dog. And I love working out and am always looking for new worky-outy things. My "want to do" list is filled with dance classes and sport events. I don't know how to ride a bike, but one day I see myself in a triathlon, even if I'm the slowest one

I've had people stop sharing common interests with me simply because I will "burn them out" on the thing. They don't have the interest at the same level. I have many interests and tend to do them intensely. I'm a natural at Steve's "total immersion"; it's the only way I do anything!!

I don't just do anything if I can be arsed to do it at all. When I got into cooking suddenly I was watching cooking shows and turning out four course plus kind of meals. I can't just do something "a little" if I can even be bothered. The things that aren't interesting I really can't be bothered to do.

I really wish my partner could join me on my adventures but he can't, no partner ever has.

Part of the problem is that my job takes up a lot of time. I am wondering if maybe things would be better if I didn't work. My ex and I were happy to an extent because there was always enough of me to go around - he paid all the bills and didn't mind doing it. But he also didn't really want me to succeed, either, and I'm driven to succeed. Power, attention and exposure to the real world is a huge draw for me at this point in my life.

I find myself disagreeing about a lot of things with my partner and with my exes - I don't feel that cleaning and house repair is a worthwhile use of time, beyond hygiene. I feel a better use of time would be on success so that we can HIRE someone to clean and fix the house. Housework a lot of the time IMHO is a complete total waste. It's just going to get dirty again and where did your time go? You didn't build anything that will last. You will never get those three hours of your life back. But put that into something else and eventually you can provide employment to someone who hasn't figured out how to do other work, or who really LOVES housework. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I feel like I could be working on something more important.

People closest to me end up feeling very drained by me. They tune me out or get angry with me a lot. Once a person is close they lose interest in all my stories, ideas, et cetera. Only my more distant friends who get me in small measured doses really seem to be interested. It is very hurtful.

I am thinking of trying polyphasic sleep because it's the only kind I could possibly get, anyway... a dog and puppy constantly wake me up in the night. The only time to sleep is when the puppy's asleep!! Otherwise the puppy and the dog are going crazy! [My dog will sleep all day/night if puppy's not around.]

Anyway. This community seems to attract other "livewires".

Since starting my PD/LOA journey it's gotten worse - my intensity has gotten kicked up about 50 notches. Now I'm constantly generating ideas. But at the same time I'm also constantly busy. It used to be that my partners had trouble with how much time I spent absorbed in fantasy - now the problem is how little I'm HOME.

Is PD/LOA one of those things where people who are in it, are best off with other people who are in it? Since starting my journey I am really getting in touch with the fact that I do not 'vibrate" at the same intensity (or rather lack thereof) of other people. And my desire to taste all of the world has increased. I want to do 50 things at once! But if I do them, I'll never be home with my partner AT ALL.

On the other hand, though, I'm also very self-centered. I'm usually so consumed with "my stuff" that there isn't really room for anyone else unless they're doing "my stuff" with me.

01-15-2009, 01:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
pyrogen Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 568	Intensity and relationships Not the intensity of the relationship. The intensity of the PERSON who's in the relationship. I have the following problem in my current and past relationships, even in dealing with people who live with me on a daily basis. My mind is always busy. I am filled with ideas the moment I wake up and the moment I go to bed. I wake up in the middle of the night with five new ideas. About everything. When I was a little kid, my mom hated dinners because every single dinner I'd announce in the middle of dinner "I HAVE A RECIPE!". My partner feels like I'm a million miles away because I'm always entranced with the newest class I'm taking, my latest business idea, or the book I want to write, et cetera. I find myself wishing he was at the same vibration as me and had enough common interests that we could do at least some of these things together. My ideas are so captivating (a new interest, business idea, new friend, recent conversation, other new thing). I have trouble with not being self-centered because of how intense my idea machine is. I really have trouble grasping that people don't wake up wanting to talk about heavy topics, don't want to talk about heavy topics while walking the dog, et cetera. I can do this ALL THE TIME. I am thinking heavily 99% of the time, even metathinking (thinking about thoughts). My mental activity is very very intense and vivid, even very vivid movies with music in my mind and sometimes visual things. I can visualize extremely well. I stay up all night thinking and/or fantasizing sometimes. I am also very, very verbal. I will spend all day writing and blogging if I get to. ALL DAY. I need to talk so much that if my partner wants quiet time, I'll want to jump online and blog, or I'll call someone on the phone who wants to talk. I can write about 50 pages in a day and have done it before, if it wouldn't interfere with anything else. I feel like my head is filled with words constantly. It is literally filled with words. If I described this the wrong way to anyone they would think I am hearing voices. It is more like having several TV sets on in a room. Nobody matches my energy or intensity level in anything and it is very, very frustrating. Whenever I have something I like to do I do it more intensely than other people who share the interest. I joined a gym with my partner thinking we'd have a new interest to share finally but it turned out he wanted to just do it thirty minutes tops a day, and I'm there an hour and a half and totally involved with classes and stuff there now. A workout session for me is an hour and a half. I need heavy workouts to the point of exhaustion to be tolerable to people, I learned this lesson from having a high-energy dog and discovering that the trick was to wear the dog out so she'd sleep all day. I'm just like my dog. And I love working out and am always looking for new worky-outy things. My "want to do" list is filled with dance classes and sport events. I don't know how to ride a bike, but one day I see myself in a triathlon, even if I'm the slowest one I've had people stop sharing common interests with me simply because I will "burn them out" on the thing. They don't have the interest at the same level. I have many interests and tend to do them intensely. I'm a natural at Steve's "total immersion"; it's the only way I do anything!! I don't just do anything if I can be arsed to do it at all. When I got into cooking suddenly I was watching cooking shows and turning out four course plus kind of meals. I can't just do something "a little" if I can even be bothered. The things that aren't interesting I really can't be bothered to do. I really wish my partner could join me on my adventures but he can't, no partner ever has. Part of the problem is that my job takes up a lot of time. I am wondering if maybe things would be better if I didn't work. My ex and I were happy to an extent because there was always enough of me to go around - he paid all the bills and didn't mind doing it. But he also didn't really want me to succeed, either, and I'm driven to succeed. Power, attention and exposure to the real world is a huge draw for me at this point in my life. I find myself disagreeing about a lot of things with my partner and with my exes - I don't feel that cleaning and house repair is a worthwhile use of time, beyond hygiene. I feel a better use of time would be on success so that we can HIRE someone to clean and fix the house. Housework a lot of the time IMHO is a complete total waste. It's just going to get dirty again and where did your time go? You didn't build anything that will last. You will never get those three hours of your life back. But put that into something else and eventually you can provide employment to someone who hasn't figured out how to do other work, or who really LOVES housework. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I feel like I could be working on something more important. People closest to me end up feeling very drained by me. They tune me out or get angry with me a lot. Once a person is close they lose interest in all my stories, ideas, et cetera. Only my more distant friends who get me in small measured doses really seem to be interested. It is very hurtful. I am thinking of trying polyphasic sleep because it's the only kind I could possibly get, anyway... a dog and puppy constantly wake me up in the night. The only time to sleep is when the puppy's asleep!! Otherwise the puppy and the dog are going crazy! [My dog will sleep all day/night if puppy's not around.] Anyway. This community seems to attract other "livewires". Since starting my PD/LOA journey it's gotten worse - my intensity has gotten kicked up about 50 notches. Now I'm constantly generating ideas. But at the same time I'm also constantly busy. It used to be that my partners had trouble with how much time I spent absorbed in fantasy - now the problem is how little I'm HOME. Is PD/LOA one of those things where people who are in it, are best off with other people who are in it? Since starting my journey I am really getting in touch with the fact that I do not 'vibrate" at the same intensity (or rather lack thereof) of other people. And my desire to taste all of the world has increased. I want to do 50 things at once! But if I do them, I'll never be home with my partner AT ALL. On the other hand, though, I'm also very self-centered. I'm usually so consumed with "my stuff" that there isn't really room for anyone else unless they're doing "my stuff" with me. Last edited by pyrogen; 01-15-2009 at 01:23 AM.