In my past experience, my possessiveness of my partner's sexuality came from insecurity. It wasn't just that I was afraid that she would find someone who was better in bed than I was, it was that she would find someone who was better in bed than I was AND LEAVE ME FOR THEM, or that she would find someone who was better in bed than I was AND I WOULD FEEL INSECURE AND BAD ABOUT MYSELF.
Without those extra ANDs, the possessiveness went away. I've been in relationships where I was very insecure about my girlfriend having sex with other people, and I've been in relationships where I was totally comfortable with it. The difference for me was how secure I felt in our relationship, both sexually and relationship-wise.
And by the way, I was male when I had those past experiences I mentioned, so my opinion counts. (;
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