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Originally Posted by Angela  The Cloud, I am with you and I am sending you love. |
Thanks
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Originally Posted by Angela Tell more about what you're feeling -- if you could tell me in one or two words what you are afraid of, how would you put it? |
Connection. I'm afraid to really be connected to anyone or anything, because to be connected to anything is to be connected to everything is to be connected to this fear.
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Originally Posted by Angela Are you ok, right now? |
Yeah, I couldn't hate right now if I tried, because I am trying. I'm trying so hard, and I can't make this passive acceptance go away. I can't make things not ok, and it's driving me crazy, which is still ok.
I'm not really trying to fix things, but I am, if that makes any sense. It's like things happen, and things get better, and yet everything is always eternally the same and can never be changed in a real way. There is a part of me that is the changing part, but it's not really me, I don't feel connected to it, nothing really changes and I don't feel connected to the change.