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The Cloud · 01-13-2009, 11:18 PM

I think I'm beginning to understand the real emotional cost of "letting go" of myself. The last couple of days I've been feeling this frustrated angry feeling, with undertones of sadness and terror. I think that it's due to my realization that I have no problems, because I keep trying to have a problem with the situation and find myself unable to do so.

I think the anger is a last-ditch attempt to cover up the fear and sadness, because they are so strong and have lain dormant for so long. I sometimes get an inkling of these feelings, and they remind me of a dream I had a while back. The contents of the dream aren't important (well, not directly relevant), but experience is. I had a feeling of such strong terror and sadness in this dream that I woke up because I was shaking the entire bed. It was indescribable emotional pain.

In the dream it wasn't "me" feeling the emotion, but I think the intensity is similar to what my anger is covering up. Every time I get close to it, my mind reflexively retracts like a hand away from a hot stove. It's hardly even a conscious action. I feel as if when I finally allow myself to touch it, I'm going to scream or have a seizure or something equally intense. If this is what's inside everybody, it's no wonder that people are so out of touch with themselves. I'm scared, I really am. I'm really, really afraid, so much so that I can hardly even allow myself to feel it. Please help me, I don't know how, or what, but I could really use somebody right now.

01-13-2009, 11:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
The Cloud Family Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2,203	Beyond Scared I think I'm beginning to understand the real emotional cost of "letting go" of myself. The last couple of days I've been feeling this frustrated angry feeling, with undertones of sadness and terror. I think that it's due to my realization that I have no problems, because I keep trying to have a problem with the situation and find myself unable to do so. I think the anger is a last-ditch attempt to cover up the fear and sadness, because they are so strong and have lain dormant for so long. I sometimes get an inkling of these feelings, and they remind me of a dream I had a while back. The contents of the dream aren't important (well, not directly relevant), but experience is. I had a feeling of such strong terror and sadness in this dream that I woke up because I was shaking the entire bed. It was indescribable emotional pain. In the dream it wasn't "me" feeling the emotion, but I think the intensity is similar to what my anger is covering up. Every time I get close to it, my mind reflexively retracts like a hand away from a hot stove. It's hardly even a conscious action. I feel as if when I finally allow myself to touch it, I'm going to scream or have a seizure or something equally intense. If this is what's inside everybody, it's no wonder that people are so out of touch with themselves. I'm scared, I really am. I'm really, really afraid, so much so that I can hardly even allow myself to feel it. Please help me, I don't know how, or what, but I could really use somebody right now.