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I don't like to look through all the philosophy books and realize we have spent the last two thousand years discussing ethics and morals and such and still come to no conclusion that all can agree on.
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There are conclusions that we can agree on. All the great philosophers told the real "truth", just in the terminology of the time.
I am glad to see you picked up some books on meditation.
I think you should come up with a STRONG positive image of what you would like your ideal life to look like, write up some good affirmations for them, and get to work on that. Right now you have a habitual pattern of negative thinking. Creating a strong positive image, and reinforcing it with affirmations, will change your self-talk to one that is positive, have you feeling better, and give you a direction to head in.