[Pace]

Originally Posted by PrimaryErn

Wow, do I have questions. About the only thing stopping me from being poly is a lack of knowing any poly people looking!

Thanks for asking! (: As for finding poly people who are looking, the best way I've found is to see if your city has local poly community, and if so, attend some of their meetups. Other than that, try OKCupid and polymatchmaker.com.

Originally Posted by PrimaryErn

1. As a guy, I'm very interested in the idea, but I have to admit I'm a little hung up being the sexual aspect of it. Specifically - does a triad relationship sort of imply a triad sexual dynamic? for example, the only poly person I know (a girl) seemed possibly interested in me, and I was interested in her, and while I wasn't put off by the idea of her male primary or even against the idea of being friends with the male primary, I'm simply not oriented to being sexually involved with him. I suppose communication is key, but in practicality? If he's Bi, isn't something sort of expected?

You hit the nail on the head when you said that communication is key. If something is expected, the best thing is for everyone involved to talk about it explicitly. In monogamous relationships, we get used to assuming lots of things because society teaches us lots of scripts we can get by with. Scripts about how many dates before sex, scripts saying it's not okay to cheat, scripts saying who opens the door for whom. Scripts all over the place! We assume other people are following the scripts too, and so we can get by with making assumptions. But in a poly relationship, you don't have those scripts. It's best to talk about everything explicitly, which can be difficult, but is FAR better than the alternative. If you're straight, then you're straight, regardless of what anyone else's expectations are. But it could spell disaster if that comes up AFTER everyone's involved with each other in various ways.

Originally Posted by PrimaryErn

2. Along the same idea, is it really practical to deal with pivot type relationships where two people are more interested in the pivot person than each other? If it isn't a true, everybody-interested-in-everyone-triad, doesn't that lead to a lot of push-and-pull on the poor pivot?

Yes, it's totally possible (and somewhat common) for a "V" situation to emerge, where the "pivot" is romantically and sexually involved with each of the "arms" but the two arms are just friends. (Aside: it's VERY important to be friends with the other arm of the V. Otherwise they'll fall out of your monkeysphere and the two of you will start assuming the worst of each other. It's very wacky and bad.) I was involved in a V situation (as one of the arms) for two years, and it worked out pretty well. I was a secondary and the two of them were each other's primaries. We worked out the push-and-pull issue with lots of communication and some logistics. She and I had a scheduled weekly date night, and at other times her primary had priority.

Originally Posted by PrimaryErn

3. You must get this a lot: so I start dating two ladies and we form a triad. Things turn serious. My straight family wants me to start bringing my girlfriend over for family events. What do you do, how do you explain it?

That's a personal judgment call. Personally, I'm very out about everything. I prefer openness as a personal policy, because then I no longer have to be afraid of things "getting out" or who's talking to whom, and I can be myself honestly. But there are, of course, downsides. I don't have much experience with how to handle that situation without being totally out and open, so instead of making something up, I'll just say I don't really know. It sounds like a challenging and unenviable position to me.

Again, thanks for asking. Hope this helps. (: