Quote:
Originally Posted by Holistic Star  By the time I was 28 I had a house with bf, but he told me he didn't see the point in getting married. In his mind buying a house together or having children was a much bigger commitment to each other. |
Asking if she wants to stay with him anyway if they weren't married, is great advice.
Interestingly, I had about the same deadline... I just had "friends with benefits", dates and platonic friends then when I hit 30 the alarm went off in my head. "OH NOES!! TIME TO SETTLE DOWN!".
The problem for some people is that him/her dragging their feet on getting married, can become a values clash, rather than simply "are we going to be together with marriage or without marriage?".
For example, I know I could be happy with "love" without it being "love and marriage" as long as we weren't having children, making major investments together etc.
That said, having divorced someone who did "the grand gesture" and ONLY did grand gestures, there's something to be said for having a peaceful and happy life.
I was with my partner a very short time before he proposed. Only a year dating, six months living together. In retrospect I wish we'd waited, because the crap that came u p during the wedding planning (that ultimately is why I left) would've come up eventually without us having to go through the trouble of a divorce.
We had so much pressure from both sides to get married, and he was constantly teasing me about marriage. "You need a husband!" or, "Maybe one day if I propose I'll do it *here*", without actually proposing. It drove me insane! He would drop all kinds of hints then refuse to actually have an adult conversation about marriage.
In retrospect I think he was trying to "feel out" if I was going to say yes before proposing. To him, it had to be this big fat deal, and to me, it was something that had to be rationally and sanely discussed between two adults. This was a major values clash and it turned out to be very significant and pretty much how we ended up divorcing, too.