hmm this is a tough one to address, but i really don't think suicide is the answer. i'm glad you have focused on your degree and are nearly there. perhaps when you finally qualify you will find joy through helping others? if everything was certain, nothing would be interesting as well (surely). i also crave certainty and control a lot of the time, but perhaps you can focus on controlling how you think about things instead, and try marginally shift your approach? I don't mean to make out like you aren't in real pain. I unfortunately only have my own experiences to go on. I was busy reading something i wrote a while ago when i was going through something terrible to me, and now i feel nothing. and again, i am not going through a good patch now and i am writing down how i feel and am lost in a haze of tears, but i know in a few years time it will mean nothing again. okay i feel like i am barely making sense here.. you should maybe concentrate on what you are sure of and know there is at least that. i don't know you, but would hate it if anything happened to you!
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