[carnelian heart]

Well, I know I have an expectation and that is the problem: I have been waiting forever for my boyfriend of five years to propose to me and it is not happening. Every time my birthday comes around, or a holiday like Xmas or New Years, I am really excited about the possibility but he is so not excited about it. Even when marriage is mentioned, he fizzles out and draws away. He knows I wanted to get married when we first started going out and we even talked about it recently when he saw I was depressed about my younger sister getting married.

I've gotten past the phase where I would be !!!!!so surprised!!!! if he proposed, and past the comfortably excited phase as well. Now I feel like we're just plodding along, watching family and friends get married all around us, watching it happen in the movies, and staying on the same level as we were for years.

Even though he is a great lover and we really understand and listen to each other, I kind of feel like he is really taking advantage of our situation by being lazy about this. "Why buy the cow" comes to mind.

So I'm trying to let go of the expectation because I know that is the source of pain. I'm trying to go deep into my hobbies and friends to keep my mind from it, but the months keep slipping by and this has been an issue for a while. Do I bring it up and sour a possible surprise? (Is this a masochistic question?)

I know it will be much better if he comes up with this idea to propose by himself, but how do I live with things until that happens? Any advice? (Please?)