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sbdiane · 01-10-2009, 12:27 AM

I apologize in advance for this being kind of long. I don't even know if by the end of writing it whether I'll have a question to ask or not.

I'm 43. Ever since I was 10 I have wanted to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. The trail is 2650 miles long and goes from Mexico to Canada.

Last year I started at the Mexican border and hiked to Mt Shasta, about 1500 miles. I was 200 miles from my goal to hike to Ashland, Oregon. I did not reach my goal because my feet hurt too much and there were a lot of forest fires during the summer. The last forest fire stood between me and Oregon. Tired of the smoke and worried about my feet, I went home.

Since being home, I have not felt that I completed my journey. I feel compelled to continue.

I cannot figure out if I should return this year. Everything says yes, go back to the trail. It's like everywhere I look, there's another sign saying I should return.

BUT...I've got worries and doubts. Why are they there? Things like worrying about money, worrying about my feet, worrying about my relationship.

It occurred to me that maybe what I should do is go about my days acting as if I am returning to the trail in June. Even if I don't end up going back, I will feel good planning a return.

I guess I'm just scared to commit to my life purpose. Scared to risk dropping too far out of life, scared to eat up my savings, worried about what if I can't get a job when I come back, etc. I feel kind of lost and confused, except on the days when I feel purposeful and certain.

Why am I so worried? Why would I be so hesitant to follow my dreams?

01-10-2009, 12:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
sbdiane Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 300	Living my purpose I apologize in advance for this being kind of long. I don't even know if by the end of writing it whether I'll have a question to ask or not. I'm 43. Ever since I was 10 I have wanted to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. The trail is 2650 miles long and goes from Mexico to Canada. Last year I started at the Mexican border and hiked to Mt Shasta, about 1500 miles. I was 200 miles from my goal to hike to Ashland, Oregon. I did not reach my goal because my feet hurt too much and there were a lot of forest fires during the summer. The last forest fire stood between me and Oregon. Tired of the smoke and worried about my feet, I went home. Since being home, I have not felt that I completed my journey. I feel compelled to continue. I cannot figure out if I should return this year. Everything says yes, go back to the trail. It's like everywhere I look, there's another sign saying I should return. BUT...I've got worries and doubts. Why are they there? Things like worrying about money, worrying about my feet, worrying about my relationship. It occurred to me that maybe what I should do is go about my days acting as if I am returning to the trail in June. Even if I don't end up going back, I will feel good planning a return. I guess I'm just scared to commit to my life purpose. Scared to risk dropping too far out of life, scared to eat up my savings, worried about what if I can't get a job when I come back, etc. I feel kind of lost and confused, except on the days when I feel purposeful and certain. Why am I so worried? Why would I be so hesitant to follow my dreams?