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Originally Posted by dwixi  well, unless you want children theres no "need" for sex well.. not even the children bit really anymore.
Also.. you don't "need" art but its still something that makes you happy. |
Exactly! If your perspective is that you "need" sex or art to be happy, then if you are not having sex or art, you're not happy. If you view sex and art as preferences, then you are free to be happy even if sex or art are not currently present. (And all we have is the present.)
That's just like what you were talking about in your OP. If there is some quality or condition that you consider
one certain person, and only that one person, must provide in order for you to be completely satisfied and fulfilled, then if that person does not provide it for you -- even if she happily encourages you to get it elsewhere -- then you are not free to be completely satisfied and fulfilled. Guess who holds the key to that freedom?
One way of saying it is that you are blackmailing that person! Yes, blackmailing. It's very much like someone who says, "I'll commit suicide if you stop loving me!" ...except the consequences are slightly less dire. (Someone whose satisfaction and fulfillment is completely dependent on the feelings, thoughts, or actions others -- or on any external circumstances, for that matter -- is half-dead anyway.)
It's a terribly overwhelming responsibility to ask someone to take on, don't you think -- to be responsible for YOUR happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment? Sure, your partner wants you to be satisfied and fulfilled and will support you all she can in that, but ultimately, the responsibility for your way of being is 100% yours.
But I know it can FEEL like your satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness depends on the feelings, thoughts, or actions of one person. That's why I recommend Byron Katie's The Work -- it's a great resource for helping to set yourself free to feel wonderful regardless of external circumstance.
Wouldn't that be a great gift to give your partner? To set yourself free to feel wonderful regardless of what she does? I can't think of a better gift -- except maybe the one that goes along with it -- setting HER free of the responsibility for your happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment.