That people who have experienced abuse early on in life (child abuse: physical, sexual, mental, emotional) tend to attract partners that act more like predators - people who are attracted to the energy emitted by someone who has been abused.
Yes there isn't a tangible way to measure that but it can't be that far fetched.
We tend to be attracted to the partners we're attracted to, it's very hard to change what we are attracted to, in fact that's why in many relationships (yes, I know, not all just many of the ones that seem to fail regularly), people will leave a certain partner and relationship only to be attracted to someone new with very similar characteristics and repeat the patterns of the previous relationship. This also explains why some people go through many relationships and multiple divorces, you are attracted to a type of person and unfortunately not all of those qualities may be beneficial or wanted at all.
One thing to realize through all of this is that you are the common denominator in all of this so you also have to accept the greatest amount of responsibility in your relationship. In fact you have to accept 100% responsibility for your relationship and it's current status. You picked that person, you weren't forced at gunpoint to be with them, you could have terminated it at any time but you decided to stay in it because you were hoping the relationship would somehow turn itself into something great & wonderful. The problem with that is that the relationship isn't a conscious physical entity that takes care of itself. You & your partner make the relationship what it is. Expecting your partner to change and requiring them to change for the relationship to get better is the wrong thing to do and that is why relationships fail and experience lots of problems: we all expect the other person to change and if they do, the relationship will be better. But that is the wrong assumption and places too much pressure on the other person and pretty much determines that the relationship will fail.
- You are the relationship from your point of view, not from your partners point of view.
- stop being needy and requiring the other person to change or do something differently
- love them as they are, don't expect them to do something that you aren't willing to do yourself
- if they don't love you back, the choice is yours (not theirs) to stay and accept this type of relationship for what it is or leave the relationship
- your self-esteem is not determined by anyone else except for you
- when you based your self-esteem based on how other people treat you and give you attention, whatever self-esteem you have is temporary and you will find that when you are alone you will feel useless, miserable, sad, lonely, etc.
- learn to love yourself first, have respect for yourself, stand up for yourself and start setting rules in your life for how you will be treated and if people aren't willing to respect these rules for the type of energy you allow in your life, be prepared to lose those people (or look at it from a better perspective, be prepared for those people to lose you as it will be their loss)
- this isn't a quick process of growing a spine and standing up for yourself but if you are determined to stick through the process and work to this goal, it will happen and you will have the self-esteem, self-respect and love for yourself that you always wanted and never thought you could have
- once you become this person, the energy you emit will attract better people in your life because you have standards now, you may even find that the people existing in your life will want to change not because you asked them to but because your energy communicates to them that they need to change to be around a strong person like yourself who loves themselves and takes care of themselves
- people who are involved in many failing relationships who ask themselves why is this always happening to me are not seeing that in the end, they are a part of every failed relationship and they have responsibility for the pain they feel and the failures that happen since you are a part of every failure. It could be that you have just hooked up with every lemon out there but it could possibly be that you are in fact a lemon yourself: this isn't a bad thing to find out, you have to know what & who you are right now before you become the kind of person you want to be
- stop assuming you are always right and the other person is wrong, based on our personal perspectives and internal logic, we will always feel we are right and the other person is always wrong. Look at this way, if you are right all the time, how come you end up in the same painful situation & relationships all the time? It's quite possible that what you are doing and the person you are isn't as right as you believe.
I know this is a lot to digest and believe me, I could go on & on. I think this is plenty to begin with, try to digest this and if you have more questions, just continue to post here and I will continue to give you another perspective.
Just remember, doing the same thing over & over again only guarantees you the same results, it's time to start doing things differently if you want different results. Good Luck!
