[Pequod]

@OP

I don't agree with the advice here.

I get that your real wish is to experience real love (i.e. connection and emotional intimacy), but somehow the men in your life make that an impossibility.

The real question is *why* you fall for these guys. What do they give you that you (unconsciously) want?

You talk about raising your perceived value, applying delaying tactics to get your men to change, womens power taken away in the 60's, and you write stuff like:"We can't escape the deep emotional attachment that physical intimacy causes"

I mean, c'mon, isn't it obvious? You are yourself afraid for emotional intimacy (wich comes with emotional vulnerabilty), and therefore you are looking to tactics and strategies to get the men to do what you want. Well, even if you succeed in that, you still will feel unsatisfied because there is no real love in that and on top of it you will lose respect for men you can manipulate like that. By the way, this is why you fall for the 'wrong' men: they cannot or will not be intimate with you, and that suits you fine, cuz now you can blame them for the lack of love and connection.

James Carse wrote that there are two kind of lovers: movers and touchers. The movers want to move the other to a place they have decided beforehand. The touchers want to (emotionally) touch the other, and know that they can only touch someone else if the other touches them as well.

You're a mover and that's why you miss the connection and intimacy in your relationships. You need to get from behind the wall that shields your emotions, and expose yourself for real, even if it will hurt sometimes. Only then can you experience true intimacy and connection.