You don't have to try to win anything.
Just be yourself and bring the light that you are into the world.
Can you get away from her somehow? If it's draining you, it doesn't seem like such a good idea to connect with her.
To the subjective reality question: Yes, you have created her. She's a part of your consciousness, so you can actually learn something of her. Just ask yourself: Why do you react so negatively towards her (even if it's just in your mind)?
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