I've finally read all the comments on this topic and spent some time thinking about why Steve's decision to go poly has been rumbling around my mind these past few days. (Now I suppose I should spend some time trying to figure out why I feel the need to share MY thoughts on HIS blog!)
I've been a long time reader of Steve's ideas and while I've not felt the need to emulate him, I have found his thoughts challenging and his writing engaging. His positive energy was always inspiring. However, when I read his August 8 post which talked about his starting (or not starting) a personal coaching business, I had an odd feeling. There was something in the tone that $500/hour would be much too low of a rate for him to bother with which set off a previously unexperienced flicker of hestitation in my mind. It wasn't the per hour rate since I'm sure he could charge $1000 or even $5000 a hour and still find sufficient takers, but it was something in the tone and attitude. I perceived a certain, for want of a better word, egoism that I had never noted before. Since I don't pretend to be operating on nearly as high a level of consciousness, I assumed the problem lay with me, not Steve. (And, indeed, it probably does lie with me.)
Over the last several months, that tone began creeping into more and more of the posts, so that when he revealed his decision to go poly, it wasn't suprising. His decision is very egoistic--which is not to assign a moral value to it. It may be a highly moral decision...or not. But moral or not, it is based on a very "I want, I need, I will have" mentality.
Which brings me to the reasons that his decision seems to have bothered me.
First, one comment in particular clarified what I was feeling. If you have a perfect relationship that is unifying on all levels--physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual--then the pinancle of that relationship is that you either have to end it or introduce someone else into it? Happily ever after with your soul mate has to end in the decision to have sex with other people? I found that idea very sad.
Second, Steve speaks about the poly lifestyle as if once he has experienced it, it will be a major positive growth step that he will not regret and that will not result in any loss. My difficulty with that is that he has not yet experienced it, so he can't speak with such authority on the positivity of it. Perhaps it will be the best decision of his life. Perhaps it will bring his relationship with Erin to levels neither of them imagined. Perhaps it will help his children become enlightened, creative and more loving. Or not. Wanting to experience this and waiting to see the outcome--good, bad or indifferent--is one thing. Talking about it as if it were a fait complet necessary step to greater consciousness before you've experienced it feels a bit, dare I use the word, egoistic?
Finally, I didn't do a statistical count, but it seems to me that the majority of the people who are supporting this decision are those who have considered becoming poly, but haven't actually done so. Certainly there are some respondents here who are poly and their words carry the weight of experience, but it the lack of negative feedback from those who have been or are poly made me wonder. It seems there are three possiblities:
1) Everyone who experiences the poly lifestyle finds it positive. (Highly unlikely)
2) Everyone who experiences the poly lifestyle and reads Steve's blog finds it positive. (Possible.)
3) Everyone who experienced the poly lifestyle and reads Steve's blog and found it a negative experience doesn't want to talk about it. (Probable.)
My real question is that if Steve finds the poly life to be negative, detrimental and destructive, will he admit it since he seems to be going into it with the preconceived notion that it must be the next necessary growth step in his life and therefore whatever comes will be wonderful? And if it does turn out to be negative, will it be possible to rebuild the idyllic existence he now has with Erin and his children?
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