Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - 2009 Focus

kathy29 · 01-04-2009, 09:06 PM

There's nothing original, unique, special, or enlightened about your decision. It's all been done before. Free love, open marriage, wife swapping, etc. You are not especially brave or overly conscious for telling your wife, it's gotta be my way or divorce. I'm getting old, and thinking about this, I recall several instances in my life either experiencing some variation on the theme myself or being a close observer to it. None of these experiments ended on a happy note.

In my case, my husband of 11 years instigated it, I didn't really have a choice, because he had his mind made up (sound familiar?). OK, so it wasn't too complicated for us, we both had jobs, cars, and no kids. My husband went his way, and I mine. When he realized I had found someone, despite it being his idea, despite him thinking all would be fine, (share the love, right?), he went nuts. He took my phone book, called EVERY MALE in the book, subjected each to a quiz, and then proceeded to threaten every one. Our marriage disintegrated soon after.

My sister, and a very close friend both tried having an open marriage. I recall my brother in law being outraged that my sister would consider a relationship with someone he thought was beneath them. I guess it was open but he was supposed to be allowed to screen her potential new friends. Both of the experiments ended on a sour note. Neither of them would discuss it with me. Both said something like, "Oh that's over now" and refused to discuss it further.

Friends decided that swapping would be fun and harmless. But wife a and hubby b decided they wanted each other, permanently, leaving hubby a and wife b hurt and alone. Not to mention the kids.

You think a little hurt will be OK, people heal you say. But you are deciding for other people that their being hurt is OK. Some people never fully recover from these kinds of hurt. Some people carry scars for life. Some people become so unglued they commit suicide.

New agey, spiritually conscious blather doesn't alter the fact that you told your wife essentially that you WILL get what you want, either within the marriage, or through a divorce if she forces it. Nothing new or courageous about it. It's an old story.

There's entirely too much talk about Steve, and too little about the kids. A sure sign of selfish plans.

01-04-2009, 09:06 PM	#181 (permalink)
kathy29 Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 5	There's nothing new under the sun There's nothing original, unique, special, or enlightened about your decision. It's all been done before. Free love, open marriage, wife swapping, etc. You are not especially brave or overly conscious for telling your wife, it's gotta be my way or divorce. I'm getting old, and thinking about this, I recall several instances in my life either experiencing some variation on the theme myself or being a close observer to it. None of these experiments ended on a happy note. In my case, my husband of 11 years instigated it, I didn't really have a choice, because he had his mind made up (sound familiar?). OK, so it wasn't too complicated for us, we both had jobs, cars, and no kids. My husband went his way, and I mine. When he realized I had found someone, despite it being his idea, despite him thinking all would be fine, (share the love, right?), he went nuts. He took my phone book, called EVERY MALE in the book, subjected each to a quiz, and then proceeded to threaten every one. Our marriage disintegrated soon after. My sister, and a very close friend both tried having an open marriage. I recall my brother in law being outraged that my sister would consider a relationship with someone he thought was beneath them. I guess it was open but he was supposed to be allowed to screen her potential new friends. Both of the experiments ended on a sour note. Neither of them would discuss it with me. Both said something like, "Oh that's over now" and refused to discuss it further. Friends decided that swapping would be fun and harmless. But wife a and hubby b decided they wanted each other, permanently, leaving hubby a and wife b hurt and alone. Not to mention the kids. You think a little hurt will be OK, people heal you say. But you are deciding for other people that their being hurt is OK. Some people never fully recover from these kinds of hurt. Some people carry scars for life. Some people become so unglued they commit suicide. New agey, spiritually conscious blather doesn't alter the fact that you told your wife essentially that you WILL get what you want, either within the marriage, or through a divorce if she forces it. Nothing new or courageous about it. It's an old story. There's entirely too much talk about Steve, and too little about the kids. A sure sign of selfish plans.