[Silent Lucidity]

The real issue here is this:

I'm trying to use this pattern analysis to keep my present boyfriend. We used to talk every night when we first met. We connected spiritually, intellectualy, sexually, heart-wise, everything was there. I think it was part-rebound for him, but I just thought we'd get through that.

Now he's out of town every seccond week with work, stopped going to the gym, so he stresses at the slightest thing. This time, he's been out of town for a month and won't be back for another three weeks. We talk two or three times a week on the phone. The last time he said 'I love you' was sometime in early November. I sometimes tell him but there is silence. I don't know whether to keep saying it anyway (authentic, yet pestering) or stop saying it (game playing PUA). Basically the wonderful closeness we had in the summer/fall just isn't there anymore, and I'm devistated. Once, just before Christmas, I asked what's happening with us, he just said he can't deal with it right now. Neither of us has brought it up since. For an emotionally attached woman, this means agony every day, not to know what's going on.

The counsellor said if I want to keep him I absolutly -must- give him space right now. There are complications with his kids, his ex-wife, his job, his dad's health. I'm just last on the list. I'm afraid if I ask him about 'us' too much, it could just drive him away, with no chance of salvaging this.

It's not about mind-games at all, it's about a last-ditch effort to prevent another broken heart, to prevent past events from repeating themselves. Does it make more sense now why when someone tells me that distance will help increase percieved value, why I'm so willing to try it?

Oh yeah and he is highly congruent and aware - his words and actions match exactly in the present moment. He does change his mind a lot though.

End of October Sample when things started to go nuts:
He always says he's been hurt by his wife leaving and doesn't know what he wants. However the 'not knowing' were always peppered by 'let's get married' comments earlier on. He's always been a bit up and down but one day in the fall it went like this: He'll say that we're so compatable in every way, he wants to stay with me forever...(this was only b/c I want to build a DC tesla coil, and we read spiritual books to each other). 10 min later he's back to wanting to date other people, to figure out what he wants. 10 min after that he says he wants me to tell him not to date other people. Then he'll say that I should date other people, so I can figure out what I want too. 10 min later he's saying he's crazy and a 'failed experiment'. We can have this discussion all day. I finally get fed up and make moves to go home. He says he'll take me out for dinner, b/c we need to talk some more. Then he'll say I'm just too beautiful and he wants to take me to bed... this is just after he's said days earlier that he needs to see other people... Other times he'll say he needs me. Other times he'll say he's in love with me but scared. The last month or two he says he's not dating other people but doesn't know where we are going. WHAT THE HECK????????

Can a few of you conscious and emotionally aware men please translate for me???? lol.