[DJCT]

I was involved in the community for a while and wanted to offer a few thoughts I had after reading Steve's recent posts on polyamory and some of the forum responses. These reflect my personal experience, not necessarily the views of the seduction community or any of its members. I'm not a guru. I got into the community, learned what I needed to and got out. I'm good at picking up women although certainly not the best. But being the best at it is kind of like being the best at brushing teeth---who really gives a crap? You can either get the job done or you can't.

I'll give an overview of the guys I met through the community and then my thoughts for both men and women when it comes to how they view and/or participate in community.

There are pretty much 3 types of guys I've met in the pickup community: those that get good and become teachers, those that get good and move on, and those that stay in for months and then years---reading, buying stuff, attending bootcamps, studying, sarging, arguing. Everything except making actual progress.

The teachers I met were cool. They care a great deal about the work they are doing. I don't agree with a lot of the techniques and tactics that are sold as being able to manipulating woman. They are distractions from the real work to be done which is on the man himself and on handling certain kinds of situations. The techniques are marketable though and have made some marketing-savvy gurus very wealthy.

The guys that get in and out have all sorts of purposes. Some want to rack up a score like the Red Baron. Some want their first girlfriend. Some are getting back on their feet after a divorce. They tend to be pretty normal guys on the whole though and just need a little push and some guidance. They struggle for a bit, then they start to improve rapidly. Once they are getting results they start to withdraw from the community. On their way out they tend to help out other guys. I've met a handful of these guys. They may still stay connected with the community and help other guys but they are no longer "in it".

Those that are in the seduction community for more than a few months and can't seem to get it (meaning they don't have much success outside of what luck allows), tend to become warped. And they are the majority of the community. I saw it right from the time I got in up to the time I got out.

They become focused on techniques and thinking of life as if it is some kind of deterministic machine, thinking of their interactions with women as a simple equation to be mastered. "If I can simply do x, y and z exactly right, she will do exactly as I wish."

And so they work hard to learn more and more and more. As their personal corpus of pickup lore grows without an equal increase in their success rate, their self-esteem drops. There is a situation in computer science called thrashing where more and more resources are consumed to do a decreasing amount of work. Kind of the same thing that happens with these guys. It is a vicious cycle.

There is a second affliction these guys develop. The start becoming more focused on impressing other guys in the community than in actually getting results. Their identity starts getting tightly dependant on the community and in their knowledge of pickup. The thing is that they appear knowledgable but when you meet them in real life and get them in a situation with a woman---as opposed to the text entry box on an internet forum---you see that for all their blustering, they are utterly lost and helpless. And some of these guys are really sharp and probably started out cool. But they get warped. And the downward spiral they are locked in completely hollows them out. It happened to a friend and it is one of the saddest things I've seen. It also happened to a few acquaintances. They are half empty, half confused. Yet they are febrile and try harder than ever. I can't bring myself to associate with them anymore. They seem inhuman and it's tough to tell what drives them at this point.

If you are a woman and offended by the thought of men studying seduction, I have to ask: have you picked up an issue of Cosmo or any teeny-bopper glossy rag lately? How to kiss, how to tell if he likes you, how to be good in bed, the sex secret that will have him worshipping you, how to get him to say yes, how to get him to stay, how to get him away from an ex-girfriend, ad naseum. Yes I know, not all women read those magazines. Well, not all guys study pickup either.

For guys that are interested, the community can be a good thing if you approach it the right way. Take it all with a grain of salt. Don't become obsessed or fixated. Don't get wrapped up in keyboard warriorship. If you aren't getting it after a bit, take a break and work on other areas of your life. In pickup, less is more. It's not hard. It shouldn't be a hobby or a past-time. It is a life skill like putting on band aids. Do you buy DVDs to study brushing your teeth? Do you argue with other keyboard warriors in an internet forum on the best technique for wiping your butt after you poo? You have to think of pickup and other social skills as being very close to those kinds of things. Like building networking or sales skills in the business world. It isn't a way of life (anybody who calls himself a PUA is a dork)---it's simply a skill.

If you are going to get into pickup, get in, figure out how you personally need to feel in order to connect with a woman, learn the techniques to handle certain situations (logistics), help other guys when you have experienced success, and then get out.