Um, okay, this is not a joke, but there's just no discreet way to ask this.
I'm a 23-year-old straight male who is a virgin. I will probably have my first intercourse within the next few months. And I don't know how. I belong in the 3% of the American male population that don't watch porn regularly (Obviously I'm being tongue-in-cheek), and probably have watched less than an hour of porn total in my entire life. Well my point being, if you were a woman of my dreams and you have just openly invited me to your bed, I wouldn't know what to do.
I understand that there's a thing called foreplay. And you're supposed to find the right orifice and insert and engage in a thrusting motion until climaxing. Apparently there are various positions of doing it but let's not get into that yet. Are you supposed to talk with your partner while doing it? Are you supposed to trim your hair beforehand? Shower?
I mean, how are you supposed to pick this up, other than by asking your parents?
One of my many, many fears is that, and I say this with complete sincerity, I might go for her urinary opening instead of her vagina. And oral sex? Which one comes first? Where was I when they taught all this??
I'm telling you, I didn't go to an all-boys Catholic high school (no offense to those who did; many of you probably fare better than I). I just haven't come across that many experiences with the opposite sex (I've only kissed one girl). It's not even due to lack of opportunities since I'm in college. I just didn't put that much importance on sex, and socializing in general, until recently.
Please tell me I'm not the only one in the world that didn't get the memo? Could someone help me out here? Thanks!